I have been single for a really long time. The last guy I had a date with was a closeted ex-soap star who told me he could not stay long as he wanted to watch the Big Brother finale and then showed me phone pics of his penis during our second beer. That was a year and a half ago. Over the past week the final long term couple in my old group of friends got engaged after 11 years. I am really happy for them but I cant help and feel like the partner boat has sailed, leaving me waving my hankie from the wharf. My entire group of friends has coupled, split, flung and coupled around me in such a dizzying way and I feel like the wallflower left holding the handbags, whilst wondering when someone interesting will swing by.Sure there has been my own very short, sputtering and anorexic relationships, but these have been with imposters who have been unavailable in every way. The only one who I spent a large amount of time with, completely broke my heart and now I really am scared I don't have it in me anymore.
A long time has passed and there have been a serious lack of suitors that I am starting to really question if I will ever meet anyone. I am not getting any younger and this question is totally scaring the hell out of me. Sure there are always guys around, but none of them are relationship material and the word "relationship" in gay terms is tantamount to smearing your body in pigs blood at a vegetarian picnic.
Stoically I have kept my chin up, but its really getting concerning. Could I have missed out on some great opportunities by not recognizing them, lacking confidence in myself or just having plan bum luck. Life is good every other way, I have good friends and great career, but I am lonely and what is all of this about if you don't have someone special to share it with? This thought, among others, is like a boot in my throat. It it all over?
