Ok, went back to training again yesterday and I felt like I had been out of it for 4 months. I was so tired and weak. Its a strange feeling that your body has slowed down when the brain has not, I guess that's illness and aging. It will take me a while to get back to the place I was pre-illness but I am determined to do so. Last night I was talking to my friend Jennifer in NZ and realised I still have not computed the whole episode and she was surprised I went through most of it alone and so quietly.
This was not so surprising for me as it was bad timing that 99% of my friends were away for Easter, my mum was in NZ and I am single. So to me I had no other choice but to do it alone. I have to admit it causes some pangs of hurt when I think about it but I think those pangs are tied into my overall feeling towards the whole event. I was never going to crawl into a ball and fall apart over this, and to coin a common phrase: what has not killed me has made me stronger.
I have to admit that I went back to work too early, but I had no other choice but too. The project I was working on was at a critical pre launch stage, and it needed all hands on board. But now I feel like I need to take some time to crunch the numbers and breath. So I may ask my boss for some time off in the next months after Fashion Week. That being said I am not naive that a holiday will wipe the slate clean but I think it will help. But I am assured the effects of the past few weeks will show themselves for a long time to come and has, maybe in a small way, changed me forever.