Picture not so perfect

"Subtle and tastefully decorated property available. May contain dwarfs. A must see"

Ok yeah, trying to start house hunting. not in a manic Sydney I-must-get-up-at-5am-every-weekend-and-slog-around-looking-at-every-house-available way but in a oh-that-looks-spiffy-i-may-go-have-a-look-if-i-get-up-in-time kinda way. But what has surprised me is that the images you see are totally not what you get. Some of the pictures look like the available place is this gargantuan property with huge white walls and space enough to catapult the cat let alone swing one. But when you get there, its the size of a Peruvian torture hut, low ceiling, dark and packed full of strangers. Its kinda annoying, rather like making a date on the Internet with a svelte looking person and turning up to meet the Hindenburg. Here is one i want to see on Saturday.

http://www.domain.com.au/Public/propertydetails.aspx?adid=2007169677&s_rid=HomeAlert:NSW:buy:photo&prevChannel=Emails&prevPage=Home+Alert+Open+(postclick)&prevServer=Emails&s_cid=HomeAlert:NSW&haprof=938026

what do you think? Looks good but may be the size of a dolls house, so i may be able to slide an arm through the window and grope about to see whats its like.

Knot Me!

Had my massage on Friday night. It was amazing, though it did not realise i had to go naked. The heavy eyelined swede lady said she "would cover me at all times, but here...we go nude like". So ever so bashfully i succumbed but with an extra towel underneath just in case of tornado. It was still a bit hard (no pun intended) to keep my privacy contained when she was doing the foot scrub. But i think all parties all remained...accounted for. Any way it was just awesome, i have never had a full body massage and it was incredible. A wee be strange having a stranger kneed your buttocks and inner thighs, but good never the less. She had her work cut out for her, i had the most massive knot but my left shoulder blade. It felt like one a river stone under there. She worked at it for ages and it shrank but not all the way. It was so odd, but not a surprise. Its weird to realise how many aches and injuries you have, especially when someone is going over your entire body looking for them like a sniffer dog! She said i need to get a few deep tissue massages to get rid of it. I am such a pussy when i comes to hard massages, but i will look into it. Overall pretty awesome, though after i was covered in so much oil i looked like a wrestler or a porn star.

Hoping for a change...

I am going to get an hour long massage at SpaChakra at Blue Hotel in Woolloomooloo, a gift from my boss for workin hard. Have a going away after, not sure how i will scrape up for that! I may be a bit floppy.

I have had a really bad day, Last week i found out that the person who put a false profile using my pictures in a gay dating website, was up to his (or her) old tricks again. I complained to the site, provided my ID and they supposedly took it down, but i looked again today and they we back up. I feel like the website are not taking this seriously. Can they not block this person or black list the pics?

Obviously not. My friend Alex said i should take it as a complement, that someone has taken all this time to set up this fake profile. That's true to a certain extent and bless Alex for looking on the bright side of things, but its awful nevertheless as every second look from a guy , i think think "Argh!" and that they think I like humiliation sex, Gloria Gaynor and scrap-booking (?!). At least the site does not say i have HIV anymore, that was horrible and just wrong.

The really odd thing is that the pics on the site are from years ago and i do not have any idea where they came from, so it makes me think its a spurned ex or a Facebook leak. I doubt it was the ex (s), not that i am all 'skippy-ole'-lollypop' with them but i doubt they would do something as vile. Facebook is a safer bet, but some of the pics used are not even on my Facebook. Confusing. Anyway i have heightened my security on my Facebook page, so only friends and the pope can see my pics.

When did i become this person, who has such bad luck?

Please wish me some good karma or Mojo to give this bad run of luck, a permanent flick. Have a good weekend x

Heard it all before

Well this was not hugely surprising, but still disappointing. After stating in three interview plus a TV interview the tour for Hard Candy would come to Australia, Madonna has flicked a leotard in the eye of all Aussie fans by pulling the Sticky & Sweet Tour 08/09(http://www.ultrastar.com/email/iconmadonna/080507/index.htm) Australian leg off the table once again.

Before you fans go spaz and start burning fingerless gloves and canceling yoga memberships, further dates are yet to be announced for South America and for her last tour, Confessions, Japan was added last minute to the gigs. It still does not look good. Pity, as it will be early summer and a great chance to use some huge outdoor venues here in Oz. But you can't tell Madonna what to do, especially if she is trying to save the world in 4 minutes but only has 3 minutes to spare. Someone has to miss out.

But after saying she would come, it is really kinda crap, makes you think it was just a PR ploy to send Hard Candy number 1. It worked but I can a sense an Australian backlash in the discoball. Having been a person who has seen her live, it is a real disappointment for those who will miss out again, the tickets may seem $$ but it is worth every cent and she gives 400% to the experience. Keep fingers crossed, but don't hold your breath. Like the other Madonna, we have to say our prayers if you want to see her. To be continued....

UPDATE: She is not coming, get burning kids.

31 going on 17

"where does the vomit end and the couch start?'

On Saturday I went to a party in Bondi that was utterly out of control, 200 people, animal masks, bongo drums and projectile vomiting. It was a flash back to my days with a plastic vodka bottle, walking home drunk and peeing in someone’s parents rose garden. Yes the heady days of high school parties. 14 years later and a few more zeros in the back account, the good old house party does bring back nostalgia for the days when the big problem was who looked old enough to buy the $8 two litre wine cask.
The party seemed to mostly be a combination of Bondi backpackers, 16 year old gate crashers and utter randoms. While public drunkenness was secondary to pills it seems, as most people had eyes like black hubcaps. Something that never happened at any of my high school parties, the biggest drug was pot or at maximum some old poppers someone’s gay brother left in the back of their car.

It did not take long for the cops to turn up, we were shuffled out onto the front lawn to see the riot squad turn up. I noticed that every house neighbouring the party has its owners standing, hands on hips, in their yard staring at the chaos. Populating the side show were girls laying on the grass with dresses up on their shoulders vomiting onto the mud next to them as their friends took pictures on their camera phones, two French guys having a rather homo erotic wrestling match in a hedgerow and some girl screaming for a guy called Max who obviously did to be want to be found. The police were not in the mood for disco and started literally pushing people on their away, and in one case, smacking the face of a drunk idiot who wanted a picture with the riot force.

I suggested we leave immediately as the police were not going to beat around the bush, rather beat you in the bush. I never remember being chased off by truncheons in the 90’s but never the less it was damn fun to see little things change, but I am glad that I am no longer vomiting into the grass or into bongo drums. I am also thanking the fact that camera phones did not exist so all those falls, pashes, pukes and drunken kleptomania were never documented.

Cords!

"Oh poo. This is the last time i buy a cordless hairdryer!"

Recently in my musings, i have noticed that i am slowly being swallowed by cords. Cords for my iPod, cords for my digi camera, 2 for my mobile, for my computer, for my electric toothbrush! this does not include the numerous power cables and headphone cords that cause me to screech in frustration late at night. These cords, that must slither across the room as i doze, dreaming of an uncomplicated life, to mate and in tangle themselves in an orgy of unused electronic wires and rubber. So much so when i go to use one of these cords, they are tangled into a hellish knot that defies reason and requires more effort to solve than a Rubik's cube or the Paris Metro. Many a night i have sat, brow furrowed, trying to liberate my iPod USB cord from it marriage to my camera recharge unit. I have horrible thoughts that one morning i will awake and have to fight my way through a sea of wired and cords, much akin to the pit of snakes in Raiders of the Lost Ark. I want one super cord that plugs into everything, a UNI cord. That charges all electronic toys, that come in a neat retractable container. It would even be great if it could change my sheets and find my lost keys as well.

our shows

Above: Lee Mathews

Below: Hotel Bondi

Above: Ruby Smallbone
Below: Stitch Ministry

Above: Therese Rawsthorne

here are some pics from each of the shows our agency worked on. For more images go to www.gettyimages.com

RAFW wrap party

jeez, a bit worse for wear today. had the RAFW wrap party last night and am a little ragged at the edges. but it was a great party and guess who ended up on the walls of the party? see pics. had my pic taken on Monday then get to the party and i see someone quite familiar staring back at me. so funny.