Its COLD!!!!!

My fingers are frozen to the clackboard its so cold. Took this pic of frigid Sydney on my iPhone. BRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I am off to stick my fingers up the dogs bum to get them warm.

Jury Duty

Dum DUM! I knew something was fishy when I was asked to confirm my address by the justice department. Either I was being subpoenaed or jury duty was looming. Soon hence forth after skipping to the post box to mail my form, I received a rather stern email demanding my presence fresh and early at Darlinghurst courts on Monday 21st. Boo!

The form which says that I am just in the selection process also says, if selected, I could be up for 16 weeks of full time jury duty. Not cool. My bosses face drained of colour as soon as I told him, but then I tried to smooth it over by saying most people sit in a room for an entire day before being told to go home. Service served.

Please please please let this be me!

If I do go through to being interviewed by lawyers another tip, from a Lawyer no less, is to look very YUPPIE as they do not want too successful people on a jury as they seem to want Mr and Mrs Average.

But worse case is that you have to serve almost three months, paid by work, to do 12 hours of a day of Jury Duty. People have been know to lose homes, fail courses and, gulp, lose their jobs due to these things. Though being fired for jury duty is highly illegal. Also if movies serve me well I will be kiddnapped by the mafia and blackmailed to vote non guity or they will kill my 10 year old son.

Still not fun. I need to charge my iPhone and take a book I think for Monday. Just think of this as a down day, hopefully with no return visits.

UPDATE: It got delayed till next week.

I Goty Goty Goty!

This morning this baby arrived for me. I have been fingering it all day long. Its brilliant, i love it. i need to take a moment and put my head between my knees.

Beached in New Zeelund

Love this, makes me homesick a tad. Very funny

Almost here.

oooo. oooo. Can't talk. Me needy to see. Batman. NOW! *deep breath, foot stamp and bottom lip sticking out* Apparently it is amazing and Ledger is utterly mind blowing as The Joker in The Dark Knight. It will be very strange to watch him and think he is dead. I hear that posthumous Oscar talk is starting to mount for him. Sad but a fitting tribute.

Let Jesus-a-looza commence

World Youth Day has plopped finally into Sydney, much to the collective sighs of most residents. Firstly the word day is a bit wrong, last time I looked 'day' was a 24 hour hour period and not 5 days. So World Youth Week already got off on the wrong foot with me, today the trains were more messed up than usual, apparently due to lost American Christians wearing "Jesus is cool, so you be too" tees holding up trains while they ask a train map where 'Bandi Beach' is.

Wishing I could run from the city to avoid all related Pope-mania. Things are set to become much worse, as apparently this weekend is where it will all come to a tambourine smashing conclusion with over a million people expected to disco with the Pope in Randwick. Thousands of Sydney-siders will need to walk to get places as most streets in a six suburb radius will be closed so the faithful can shuffle to the site.

I will avoid my evils of organised religion diatribe this time as I think I could be arrested under the newly enforced "annoying" laws past by the state government. The "annoying' law mean that anyone wearing a tee shirt that can be offensive (aka: freedom of speech), acting inappropriately (aka: right to protest) and behaving in an embarrassing fashion to Sydney (anyone that is not straight, white and religious) can be spirited off to detention for the period of the 'day'. The funny thing is no one from World Youth Day, The Police Force or the NSW govt will own up to asking for these draconian laws to be adopted.

Oh how lovely. Best keep your anti-pope/Jesus-a-looza thoughts under your lion cloth for the next few days and leave your "God who?" t-shirts at home or you will be smoted by the local cops.

UPDATE: The annoyance laws have been overturned in a NSW court who have declared " the annoyance clause was invalid because it could not have been the intention of Parliament to make such vague and extensive limits to free speech". See here

Govt to scare underage drinkers straight

Not really, this is the new tourist 'experience' from the new Darwin theme park, Crocasaurus Cove. Looks rather pants crappingly exciting, I would try it. According to local redneck chip shop owner, 'Choppa' the croc packs a whoppa of a punch when approached. I find that easy to believe. I would think if I was lounging about in my hole wondering what dog I would eat for dinner when a large plastic beer jug containing a shrieking Japanese tourist dropped on my head, I would give it a hell of a whack to see if something chewy or dead fell out. How long before Pamela Anderson turns up in hotpants to rescue Chopper?

How many did you cross off this weekend?

The New South Wales Office of Liquor and Gaming have released a very useful list of signs of drunkenness over the weekend. Its incredibly illuminating and utterly useless. what they going to do? laminate it and stick it in the toilets so you can check every time you go for a slash, to see if your drunk yet. Check yourself on this list. I got about 13 now, and I am sober and at work. What a load of tosh.

You are drunk if you are experiencing or have experienced:
1. Slurring words

2. Rambling or unintelligible conversation

3. Incoherent or muddled speech

4. Loss of train of thought

5. Not understanding normal conversation

6. Difficulty in paying attention

7. Unsteady on feet

8. Swaying uncontrollably

9. Staggering

10. Difficulting walking straight

11. Cannot stand or falling down

12. Stumbling

13. Bumping into or knocking over furniture and people

14. Lack of co-ordination

15. Spilling drinks

16. Dropping drinks

17. Fumbling change

18. Difficulty counting money or paying

19. Difficulty opening doors

20. Inability to find one's mouth with a glass

21. Rudeness

22. Aggression

23. Belligerent

24. Argumentative

25. Offensive

26. Bad tempered

27. Physically violent

28. Loud or boisterous

29. Confused

30. Disorderly

31. Exuberance

32. Using offensive language

33. Annoying or pestering others

34. Overly friendly

35. Loss of inhibition

36. Inappropriate sexual advances

37. Drowsiness or sleeping at a bar or table

38. Vomiting

39. Drinking rapidly

40. Reading Lists to find out if one is drunk or not

Scary. No words needed

Ok words are indeed needed....Bindi the Doll from Hell talks too! Says things like "Lets go rescue some wildlife", "Is that a Galah in your dunny?', "Come on guys lets poke a Croc with a didgeridoo" and "Watch me sing and dance while I scare the world with my dead DEAD EYES!"

Yippie Skippie! News

Soz about me not updating this for a few days buuuuuuut, I bagged myself a grand promotion! I have been shifted to be the 2IC (don't ya love my corp speak) aka second in charge of the new lifestyle division for Saunders&Co, our sister company. So i will be working on a bit of beauty, bit of Fashion and a bit of lifestyle and I am working with a great team as well. Oh my it all makes my man-nips tingle. This has come as a huge surprise but a welcome one, I love a challenge... and a curry. I also received a rather generous pay increase so i wont be running out of loo paper anytime soon hopefully. Bar something totally left of centre happening my entire set of teeth falling out, being sued by Cher or Jodhi Meares showing up for work. Ooo topical. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!