Look who found their old face again!

I know these images were released last week I think…. But it took me a while to sit on this blog entry and figure out what to say.

All I can say is ole Madge is looking…good again. Not sure what she has done but gone are the puffy cheek injections and uncomfortable Botox lips. This odd work has faded to a comfortable level to reveal her old face. These images from her shoot with Interview Magazine are amazing, very Rizzo meets psycho ex nun with a crucifix fetish. Though the interview with Gus Van Sant is pure verbal masturbation, I am just stunned at how wicked she looks. Wicked in a ‘great’ way, not in a green witch “I’ll get you and your little dog too” kind of way. She even left her knickers mark on the picture to say ‘hey world, not photo shopped’, I am sure there has been a few magic wands waved here and there but for the most part looks pretty natural.

She looks like good old Madonna again and without any obvious photo shop fun, she no longer looking like some possessed crotch thrusting Madame Tussard waxwork of herself, which I am now lobbying as the real reason Madge seemed a bit odd of late. Poor dear must have locked herself in the basement whilst this doppelganger terrorized the world with a rather sophomoric album, paraded around on stage looking like an emaciated Balinese cat in a blond weave and rekindled a relationship with that bore Gwyneth Paltrow……..*snooooorrrrrrrrrreee*…….sorry I nodded off but that’s what she does to me. I am going to blame the divorce, broken hearts make you act like a freak and you look like shit.

Anyhoo, I feel like I have been fighting with Madge for a while. Like a wily teen I have stormed off to my bedroom more than a few times and screamed “I hate you” at the top of my lungs. Her last album really did suck for the most part, the last tour was tired, the pillow face was just awful and that crazy appearance on the Britney documentary! I just threw up in my mouth a little.

But she had redeemed herself of late, with a mostly quiet and dignified divorce, some hilarious toy boy action and the adoptions. Malawi-gate was a real storm in a sports cup for me, still surprised how it indescribably crippled newspapers for weeks and caused many an ill informed house wife to clutch her pearl necklace and spray Aeroguard in horror - what’s the problem really??! A rich lady wanting to adopt poverty stricken children..jeez people, just chill.

Anyway, add to that the new (old) face and word that Madge is holding off on recording a new album for a while but she could look at working with A-Trak when it happens, who is just an awesome DJ and so edgy, so I may start to be a fan again. Word to the wide though, it’s a different music world now, Lady Blah Blah is stomping about setting fire to pianos left right and centre, best take some time and do it right than doing it wrong again I think.

A + for effort, though must try harder to restrain contact with blond macrobiotic newsletter writing actresses and crotch thrusting.

Hard Candy - Full review

"Whose ya mama?"

This is not the album I expected, somewhat a relief and a disappointment at the same time. Madge has not lost any of her sledge hammer subtlety nor her love of a good boogie. This album has tweaked layers and interesting twists, From the slurpy Candy Shop, where she invites you to get sticky fingers in her candy box, to the closing electronic Notre Dame of a song in the Gothic Voices, this album is like nothing Madonna has claimed before.

The outstanding tracks are: Give it 2 me that charges like a bull in a lingerie store, and enjoys every dirty moment. The hypnotic Heartbeat and Miles Away are the most ballad-like tracks, but they still have a thump to keep the neighbours annoyed. The Beat Goes On and the utterly awesome (!!) Dance 2Night, are guaranteed dance floor anthems. Mining classic 70's disco, complete with the handclaps, bells, whistles and Justin Timberlake's Bee Gees style 'Aahhs'. While the wonderfully titled The Devil Wouldn't Recognised You, is a classic mournful and dark Madonna track.

This is a good album but like real candy, the satisfaction is short lived and leaves you wanting more. Madonna has created some of the strongest albums in her career in the past ten years, but Hard Candy feels slapped together and slightly short on the life we expect from a Madonna album. Bad tracks include the overlong and slightly undercooked Incredible. Strangely enough feels like it needed a few more sessions through the Madge-a-tron to make it work. Spanish Lessons is another raiding of the Latin cupboard that M spent alot of the 80's in, this time it just sounds dated. On the upside she embraces her inner M.I.L.F, growling "If you do your homework, maybe i'll give you more". I am grateful that the utterly awful Ring My Bell, a bonus track on the special edition CDs, did not make it to the final album. it would have tipped the scales into crapdom. Without it Hard Candy teeters safely on the good side of things.

I was quite concerned that Madge would get lost in the forest of R&B try hard, Hard Candy is not a bad album but we have come to expect more after the tour de force that was Confessions On The Dancefloor. The tracks rattle the teeth and it is really hard not to wiggle when she hits her groove, but it feels too top heavy with the Farrel and Timberland production, and Madge ends up like guest on her own album. The climax of the album ends with a bell tolling, which I am sure this not accident, and is a reference to the expectation that she will now that she is almost 50 she will (or should apparently) pack up the decks and knee length boots, to make toilet roll covers. I get the feeling, for her, this album is a staunch middle finger to all those doubters.

I do not agree she should retire, she has so much more to give and more ground to cover but its disappointing Madonna does not seem to care as much anymore. Hard Candy is a modern album that ticks all the mainstream boxes, but over time may melt into a sugary blob when compared to her previous collaborations. B-

New Album, New Look

I just found this, it is the first image from the shoot for Madonna's new album "Hard Candy", out late April. Its pretty cool, shot by her current photographer collaborator Steven Klein, and judging from the past it could be the theme for the new album including part of her new look. Even if not, it's pretty cool anyhoo. Never guessed she would do 'oiled up athlete/boxer girl' , but its works. Her mesh undies are quite see through. This is also used for the cover of an upcoming issue of UK Dazed and Confused. Bring on April I say!