When you're alone, and life is making you lonely You can always go....to a cuddle party!?

Forget Downtown, when you can go to a party and hug strangers for three and a half hours. Nothing naughty, just flannies and an ambrosia salad. The website describes a Cuddle Party as:
"A Cuddle Party is an event for adults to get together and explore affectionate touch and communication without it becoming sexualized. At these events, we create the safe space to talk about and explore what our needs are as adults when it comes to affection, intimacy and welcomed touch" ooooooookaaay...

Don't believe me look at the website.

I Wanty Wanty Wanty 3

I have stopped hyperventilating now, so I can type the keyboard whilst I sip down a gin and prune smoothie to calm my nerves. Introducing the Nooka Zub, a glow in the dark watch made exclusively for the conclusion of the Kanye West 'Glow in the Dark' tour. The will only be, *deep breath and gulp* 15 made and Kanye himself will find most these babies a home on a spoilt wrist somewhere. What plop I say, surrrre there will be 15 now but then their will be 30 more, then 300 then ooh we set up a website selling theses babies and before I know it the homeless guy outside my building will be wearing one. He already has a taste for Missoni, kid you not.
Sigh, I am off to top up my smoothie and find another way to read time when I am locked in a bank vault.

Spiders and Drugs

Healthy or not?

Right you see I am confused, last night bundled in my PJ's the SBS news told me that Australia was one of the healthiest countries on Earth and people live now some 40% longer than sometime other than now. Great! I was just about to jump off the couch and have a hand full of icing sugar when I thought I would switch and see what those crazy kids on the ABC were up too. They said that Australia was 'Drunker, Fatter and more diseased' than ever before. They get the same press kit? Somebodies poor PR intern mucked up bad, 'Oh I was supposed to send, like, the UN-diseased press pack? oopsy'. So the ABC, who I always imagined as a wise old woman in a rocking chair who loves cream on everything and watching man o man repeats, said Aussies are huge binge drinkers, are bustling belt sizes nationally and...have more STD's than ever before. Cripes but I think that might having something to do with the binge drinking, beer goggles anyone?

Oh ma, I don't know who to believe. One one hand I want to go out and have that extra piece of garlic bread, the other hand I want to have my stomach stapled and walk around in a vacuum packed coverall from Glad. So to calm my nerves I consulted the daily oracle, not Perez Hilton, SMH.com.au. They said both, and I paraphrase:"Congrats Australia your healthier than a while back, but your still fat, have more chance of dieing of nasty things like cancer and heart disease. There is still a 17 year gap between indigenous people and non indigenous peoples lifespans. Don't even get us started on whats down ya pants!" OK so that's not really good news is it...

Also here is a picture of a strange handbag I found on google images. Is it just me or does that black powder puff have glowing pink eyes?! Creeeeepy!

Love Love Love!!

Went to Cut Copy on Saturday night care of my friends at Universal Music, and it was amazing! I love them. The set was so tight and kept the music charging for the entire set, only with a couple pauses to wipe the sweat away or guzzle a beer before the songs pick up the pace again. I was dancing non stop for the entire set. Wicked. They pretty much focused on the new album In Ghost Colours, with a couple of faves from Bright Like Neon Love. Just awesome!! Thanks so much to Kirsty and Corinne. Quite funny too, got propositioned by a teenage girl!

Abby Cornish - Sexiest Vegetarian 2008 Woot Woot!

So Abby Cornish won, the sexiest vegetarian of 2008 award from PETA in the Hunter Valley last night and I could not be happier, considering I have never heard of this prize and wondering what the point was. I have no problem with vegetarians, but I am risking a masked beetroot attack tonight by saying I think this is the oddest award I have ever heard of. Apparently competition was tight for this coveted crown, supposedly made out of lima beans, turnips and a large fennel bush. Abby fought off the best of the vego mafia including John Butler and Missy Higgins as well as those single letter last name entertainers Andrew G and Jackie O, to take home the world’s first edible award.

Tens of thousands of people voted for sexiest vegetarian, I obviously missed that invite. I believe the other categories were, Happiest Pumpkin Grower, Nicest Cat Owner and my favourite, Rescuer of tubular fruit from sexual harassment and vilification. I believe people where elbowing each other to get to the Banquet, which was a sumptuous spread of pumpernickel bread and twig salad. I also hear things got really crazy after too many wheat grass shots and they headed off to Newtown to harass poor old ladies who still use plastic shopping bags.
Congrats Abby!

Cut Copy. Me. Saturday!

I was at a disco party by my friend Oli and i got talking to her friend Kirsty who works at Universal Music and does the marketing for most of the Australian Electro bands i love. I started to ramble when i heard she did Cut Copy, I love their new Album In Ghost Colours and their old album too. Anyway she offered me a ticket to the sold out gig on Saturday and i literally ran screaming through the house.

I can't wait! Will let you know how it goes.....Jealous?

Button Up Rednecks!

After this horrific button was sold at the Republican Annual (Witch Hunt Against Every One We Hate or Deem Anti American Cause They Are Not Us) conference, I took a look at the Republican online shop. The http://www.republicanmarket.com/ has such teeth grind inducing horrors like "Life's a bitch so don't vote for one" and "Stand for our troops or stand in front of them". You can almost smell the gears burning at the republican spin factory to work themselves out of this one.

Check it out in all its redneck glory http://www.republicanmarket.com/store/cat/21.Buttons

Me Mum

I just found out that the investment company my Mum had invested a majority of her money in NZ has gone bust. It is so sad, she is understandably devastated by it. But in the midst of this she is still stoic saying it could have been worse and other people are worse off than her. Which is true she has an amazing property that will only appreciate in value no matter how stink economic outlooks get. But its just so hard to hear this happening to your Mum, i just want to fly home and give her a big hug and make her a cup of tea. I have sent a box of treats to make her feel better.

The outcome for the investment firm is not clear, they are in lock down and have to wait to see whether they dissolve the company and spread out the fund to investors or hold onto it and live to fight another day. Its all up to the vote, my Mum's as well. So SAD! I just want to cry for her, especially when she gave me the money for the tooth last week. I said i wanted to pay her back but she said for me to pay off my CC and sort out that.

Unfortunately this puts the house plans on permanent hold as my Mum was going to help me with this investment. She was apologetic but i said do not worry i just want to know she will be OK. I think she will be as she has always been a real estate maverick. But I love me Mum and it breaks my heart to think how bad she must be feeling.

UPDATE: Mum's feeling better now, things are not as bad compared to other stories i have read. The company has gone into moratorium which means all the funds are locked until a decision on the company is made. Last word was Dominion was appealing for overseas investors to bail out the company, then a meeting will be called to vote on the next steps. Chances are Mum will get her initial investment back, but nothing extra.

Sex and the Shitty

My tanturm looked very similar to this.

I have been holding back seeing the movie version as the utter estrogenically charged mania surrounding it made me frankly a bit scared for the safety of my testicles. I loved the series but was slightly apprehensive of the movie version, but after talking to several of my female friends who (in between their foaming mouth corners and scratching past me with red nails to rebook tickets) told me it 'Tooootally' is worth seeing. Now all my friends have seen it and the one person i was going to see it with, has downloaded it! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! So now either I have to go alone and look like a utter loser or wait for the DVD and look like a bigger loser renting it on a Saturday night. Gawd.

I wanty wanty wanty 2

I feel as office supplies go, the more crass or stylish the better it is for the entire universe. Well by universe i mean, office and by entire i mean, me. This ticks both boxes. Today i continued my lunchtime hunt for things i will buy when I go overseas, which is now longer than a Peter Jackson movie, i saw this brilliant all-in-one office thingee. Called The Butt Station, the Urban Outfitters site says "This really puts the "ass" in "businass!" and continues to say "The Butt Station is perfect for any desk, keeping you smiling and organized! Includes a tape dispenser with metal cutter, pen and business card holders and a toilet paper clip compartment with magnetic butt for easy retrieval. Imported. Wipe clean." Ewww.

New Front Tooth

"I can suck a straw and talk as well!"

Finally, after 2 and half months and nearly $4000 spent on ONE tooth, i have a brand new front tooth and it looks......amazing.

It is difficult to describe but it looks so real i would not even know, even the gum looks healthy. jeez what an episode, which i would not have been able to do so fast if my mum did not fork up half the $$ for the treatment.

I tells ya, dental care should be more subsided in this country. I am just lucky i could afford do something about it.

Anyway after weeks of chopping my food into bite sized chunks or chewing away from my front teeth (which is very hard, try it!) i christened my new chomper on a ham and cheese sandwich. Hardly a glam unit but still was the best sandwich i have had in ages. My dentist (who does Miss Australia and Craig Wing) said i can pretty much eat anything bar biting ice cubes and watch apples. who bites ices with their front teeth???

Hopefully the dramatic teeth chapter of my life is closed for a few years now.

Emotional Russian roulette anyone?

Don't care what people think? I dare you to try http://www.facestat.com/, this is Hot or Not from hell. FaceStat lets you up load images of yourself and then other people post comments and opinions on your picture. Random strangers judge your looks, intelligence, political leanings, if you are drunk or not as well as your ability to win fights with house pets. These opinions are then pasted on your face like one of those 'glue and newspaper' primary school social studies projects. Facestat explains "Within a couple hours, you will have detailed statistics about how people feel about the picture you provide. It's like market research for the individual." I am quite certain I do not need that much information or 'research' on myself. If anyone has the moxie to take on Facestat, please let me know. I will provide a hot cup of bovril and a shoulder to cry on if need be.

Old friend and cow sex.

I was just reading an online news piece before i bugger off home, about a US high court judge who had been busted putting porngraphic pictures online of women dressed like cows and men romping with turned on farm yard animals, (if you are more interested in that story than this one click here) and a picture of my old school friend Barnie popped up in an ad. so funny! I saw him in the TV ad but did not expect to see his face in the middle of beastiality trial news story!

Winter in the city

Love this picture, but who is the Alfred Hitchcock look alike on the left!?

So winter is finally here and i was just counting on my fingers the other day on the escalator that its only 8 more weeks till spring. 8 FUDGING WEEKS! Jeezing flipping heck, half the year has gone and i have done stuff all exciting things. That gonna change now, i have booked in with freediving spearfishing with great white sharks and sample shopping with menopausal house wives. i am living life on the edge now, i may not even flush the toilet after i use it. Not sure if my flatmates will like that, but i am just craaaaazy now so they can ship off to boring-ville if they can't handle the heat. Bloody hell, what was my point?

I am back now

Ok, yes the past week or so has been quite dramatic. On Saturday, I had to go to the police and file a report against this lunatic who is using my pics on websites. I had the funniest community liaison officer, who told me she and her mum are huge fag hag, she loved horse racing and then told me some rather saucy stuff about the son of one of Australia's largest media moguls found in a carpark in Kings X having 'bum sex' with his boyfriend. It was quite the eye opening visit to the local cop shop.

Anyway, they are being quite helpful. They are unsure how to tackle it as the whole online thing is a new frontier for policing. But one of the websites said they would be open to release the details of the offender to the police, so fingers crossed the police will do that.

Also my mum has fronted the money for my new tooth, which was quite embarrassing for me as I really wanted to do it alone. But I guess sometimes you have to let someone help you when your struggling.

How you been?

I wanty wanty wanty!

I is hyperventilating after confirmation that the iPhone is FINALLY coming to Australia, through Optus, 3 and Vodafone. I have been obsessed since I snatched one out of the hand of a Neighbours actor at a function, stroking it slowly and muttering "me need this" and "my preciousssssh". For me, whose iPod has seen better days and my mobile phone spends more time searching for a network than ringing, the amalgamation of both units would be a techies dream come true. One thing though, if you are listening to music on an iPhone and it rings, are you totally deafened by the ring tone shrieking straight into your ear drum?