Elect me! Cause I will do nothing at all!

Overinflated self absorbed hyperboles could not properly explain how disinterested I am in this current election. Bar Julia Gillard whipping out the girls at a press conference and screaming “Wayyyyheyyy get a load of these coconuts!” or Tony Abbott admitting to liking a good spanking with a ladle and/or microwave door, I could not give a flaming possum trap.

That being said I will still def vote for the redhead tit flasher, I’d rather shag a car bomb than vote for that bigot Ab-dawg. But how booooooooooring is the campaign, I am astounded how stupid these campaigners think people are, that or we are tree swinging rednecks with empty muffin trays for brains who can’t remember 5 secs ago let alone 3 years. They keep saying the same old shit ‘blah blah Aussie battlers money something something , Climate change direction (LIE), humanitarian treatment of asylum seekers (DING DONG FAT BUGGERY LIE)’. They are swinging from whatever trapeze happens to be waved at them. Yes I am Bitter - party of one, ole K-RUDD's political impotence was rather disconcerting but the fact is after all this time, two regimes and soup spilling mouth farting - nothing has been done on anything. Abbott is just interested in keeping the rich rich and the poor and minorities marginlised, Gillard just wants power and a naughty weekend escape to the lodge with her man lover.

I am reminded of the fantastic scene in the movie Election were Tammy Metzler runs for Student body president and makes this speech. If anyone said that in a campaign I'd vote for them until i die from a drug fueled glam choking with a bedazzled belt. But instead I tune out the blah blah blah blah by dreaming of making a house out of toothpaste, dancing on stage with Bruce Springsteen and colour coding the granny smith apples at the supermarket. I will manage to drag my fancy ass out and vote, I will have to visit the embassy as I will be New York City……breath it in bitches….yes NEW YORK CITY. AS I am of the ilk that if you don’t vote, you can’t complain about the government cause you (NEW YORK CITY whhhheeeeeeeeeee!!!!!) did bugger all helping.

Admittedly voters want their leaders to be friggin superman, they have to get it all right and if they by some act of god they do, some old biddy in the sticks has the grumps cause her cat was awoken by the loud hedge next door. Look at Obama, what the hell do Americans want. He has done a lot in his term : economic disaster and massive global depression averted (we were THIIIS close people!), START Treaty resurrected, Health Reform, sensible war policy and a major reduction in out breaks of americaassholeitis! But people got their knickers in a twist that Obama didn’t rip off his suit, clench a knife in his teeth and swim to the bottom of the Gulf and plug that darn leak himself. God just tie him up and burn him, what a jerk.

Naked and wet Obama aside, If I could get Gillard to come here and have a cuddle and a chat. I would say “LADY! I will vote for you but please can this time something end up happening!, instead of this vaudevillian side show we call policy. It’s pretty easy… people are simple, they want low taxes, not to be old and lonely, pretty nature stuff, no apocalypse and an occasional fart on a playground swing in summer.

Done. Do it fanta pants. Now shut up.”