Relationship - 101

I recently met someone who is quite different from anyone I have met before. Among being a kind, nice guy with a decent head on his shoulders. He seems to carry himself with a type of humanity and soul that makes me think he is something quite special. We have gone out a few times and each date has just been easy. By easy I mean, just relaxed and fun. No games, no ego. Just getting to know someone who is interesting, amazingly refreshing. It's hard, like i am starting from step one again. I have become so use to the games, that it takes me back when someone is game free. This has made me truly stop and pay attention. He is a Kiwi so that also explains his honest and laid back attitude. But the thing i am worried about is my own neurotic brain farts.

It is common for most people doubt themselves when they meet someone who turns their head, and after a couple years of career shifts, health scares, indifferent men and all the subsequent stresses and changes in focus as a result. His arrival comes at a time i feel the most together and certain of myself. But all that becomes shaken slightly when you doubt yourself especially in the presence of a new paramour, more so when he seems genuinely seems to be quite a find. To exercise these goblins I have to remind myself to believe in myself, and in what he sees in me. I also remind myself that relationships take time, and if he is worth as much I suspect he is, time is the best thing to iron out the creases from emotional upsets. So is love.

Regardless of the outcome of the present situation, it seems it is time for me to settle these old hurts to focus on a future where i can be happy, settled and have a person to share this with. The change begins with me.

My double life as a crime fighter

Jury duty has been quite a trial (ha get it?!), i have been serving the community, as a crime-fighter as my friend likes to call it, pretty much 5 days a week for 2 weeks now. Its hard going, we have to be at the court at 9am to be locked (yes locked) into a small room with one large table, no natural light and dehydrated coffee in polystyrene cups. We are  kept in this room for about 1.5 hours until we are called to the court by a kindhearted old sheriff who i think will have a heart attack each time he climbs the stairs. We stay in court for an hour and a half, listening to the meandering prosecution and the strutting and pompous defense lawyer, then its back to our den for morning tea. After 20 mins we are back in court till 1pm, where we break for lunch again in our rabbit hutch. Then comes 2pm we are back in court till 4pm. All this time we shuffle back and forth like drones, when ever the lawyers want to squabble about evidence and what not. Its all done at quite an irritatingly slow speed.

Not to say its not interesting, in the past week its really become quite absorbing, but to race home afterwards and try to do a full days work before i fall asleep is taking its toll. Luckily my boss is being super cool about this and had set me up with wireless remote desktop thingie for my laptop.

It seems this jury duty has come at a time when there is a natural lull in things before the spring summer crazy time. So that's a good thing, and once this is over (which is next week) i will be free for 5 years if not forever.

My follow jurors are quite a sight, most of them are quite lovely and very nice. But one has an opinion on everything from where the bullet proofed windows are made to the utterly interesting 100 differences between his Prius and his MX5. The term "going on" is sent to a strange new place orbiting the world Fat Mouth with this guy. You see peoples eyes glaze when he whines "well that's interesting you say that because..." Or "I grew up with his mother's dog's hair brush's toilet seat and they use to.." The other is Bobblehead, she is quite harmless and very sweet but you mention the Olympics and her head shakes like San Francisco in 1902. It does not help she has a voice like a corroded iron hinge. I am thinking peoples nuances become magnified by a trillion in such a pressure cooker environment, i have become positively mute most of the time, till i think Yappy has had too much airtime.

It is genuinely fun when the lawyers go for each other throats and the judge has to prize them apart like a primary school teacher in the school yard. It is also amazing when they get a principle witness, the last of which made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. 

I do look forward to having regular hours  again and not needing to go hide in the toilet for some quiet time.

Law and Disorder

Just when I thought I was back, Jury Duty has crept up on me like Gary Glitter in a Thai playground. I have been select for 3-4 weeks on a trial in the supreme court. Dang! Luckily I will be paid and my boss will top up my earnings so I am not out of pocket. Just a bit of a bugger as I have to work from home in the evenings, doing what i can.

But this case is a very short one in law-land and it may wrap before 4 weeks. Fingers crossed. I may not be able to talk about the case, but i can talk about my fellow jurors, one I have already nicknamed 'Bobblehead' because of the way her head moves when she talks.

Hopefully i can make some entries in this time, would not want for you (one person and a dog with wheels for legs) to miss out.

Springs Coming

I can smell it, I can see it in the eyes of small fluffy creatures, the fruit store owner and even in the eyes my boring flatmate (Who I only thought only looked forward to brushing her imaginary cat and the biweekly bible and bumper sticker mail-order catalogue).

Spring is a mere hop, skip and Brazilian wax away. Yes, we may still be shivering in our leathers and gazing enviously at the sizzling roast we just pulled from the oven, wishing our head be so golden brown, crispy and covered in rosemary and oil.

But in three weeks time I can consider wearing shorts and thinking about how translucent white skin will look when skipping to the shops for Beef Stock during the first spring day. Kind of like snow blindness in khaki. I have the new flip flops that I got as a gift at fashion week, staring up at me optimistically from under my bed, much alike a virgin at a strip bar.

I have already formed a mental list rivalling the dead sea scrolls of what I need to get my hairy little hands on for Summer. New bathers, check. New sunnies, check. Interesting but fun love affair, dream on. Funny thing about summer love, they are a lot like sunglasses. Very hard to find the right one, but so easily lost.

ok ok ok!

Let it be said, yes i have been AWOL for a good part of July. So sorry, but hey, no news is good news. No i have not been sequestered away in some jury room (i got excused BTW) or hit by some runaway trolley full of drag kings in Newtown. I have just been working hard and laying low. But i promise i am back and with that here is something utterly filthy and completely funny. I am gonna write up a storm for you my pretties, now where is my flying monkey quill and ink....

Its COLD!!!!!

My fingers are frozen to the clackboard its so cold. Took this pic of frigid Sydney on my iPhone. BRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I am off to stick my fingers up the dogs bum to get them warm.

Jury Duty

Dum DUM! I knew something was fishy when I was asked to confirm my address by the justice department. Either I was being subpoenaed or jury duty was looming. Soon hence forth after skipping to the post box to mail my form, I received a rather stern email demanding my presence fresh and early at Darlinghurst courts on Monday 21st. Boo!

The form which says that I am just in the selection process also says, if selected, I could be up for 16 weeks of full time jury duty. Not cool. My bosses face drained of colour as soon as I told him, but then I tried to smooth it over by saying most people sit in a room for an entire day before being told to go home. Service served.

Please please please let this be me!

If I do go through to being interviewed by lawyers another tip, from a Lawyer no less, is to look very YUPPIE as they do not want too successful people on a jury as they seem to want Mr and Mrs Average.

But worse case is that you have to serve almost three months, paid by work, to do 12 hours of a day of Jury Duty. People have been know to lose homes, fail courses and, gulp, lose their jobs due to these things. Though being fired for jury duty is highly illegal. Also if movies serve me well I will be kiddnapped by the mafia and blackmailed to vote non guity or they will kill my 10 year old son.

Still not fun. I need to charge my iPhone and take a book I think for Monday. Just think of this as a down day, hopefully with no return visits.

UPDATE: It got delayed till next week.

I Goty Goty Goty!

This morning this baby arrived for me. I have been fingering it all day long. Its brilliant, i love it. i need to take a moment and put my head between my knees.

Beached in New Zeelund

Love this, makes me homesick a tad. Very funny

Almost here.

oooo. oooo. Can't talk. Me needy to see. Batman. NOW! *deep breath, foot stamp and bottom lip sticking out* Apparently it is amazing and Ledger is utterly mind blowing as The Joker in The Dark Knight. It will be very strange to watch him and think he is dead. I hear that posthumous Oscar talk is starting to mount for him. Sad but a fitting tribute.

Let Jesus-a-looza commence

World Youth Day has plopped finally into Sydney, much to the collective sighs of most residents. Firstly the word day is a bit wrong, last time I looked 'day' was a 24 hour hour period and not 5 days. So World Youth Week already got off on the wrong foot with me, today the trains were more messed up than usual, apparently due to lost American Christians wearing "Jesus is cool, so you be too" tees holding up trains while they ask a train map where 'Bandi Beach' is.

Wishing I could run from the city to avoid all related Pope-mania. Things are set to become much worse, as apparently this weekend is where it will all come to a tambourine smashing conclusion with over a million people expected to disco with the Pope in Randwick. Thousands of Sydney-siders will need to walk to get places as most streets in a six suburb radius will be closed so the faithful can shuffle to the site.

I will avoid my evils of organised religion diatribe this time as I think I could be arrested under the newly enforced "annoying" laws past by the state government. The "annoying' law mean that anyone wearing a tee shirt that can be offensive (aka: freedom of speech), acting inappropriately (aka: right to protest) and behaving in an embarrassing fashion to Sydney (anyone that is not straight, white and religious) can be spirited off to detention for the period of the 'day'. The funny thing is no one from World Youth Day, The Police Force or the NSW govt will own up to asking for these draconian laws to be adopted.

Oh how lovely. Best keep your anti-pope/Jesus-a-looza thoughts under your lion cloth for the next few days and leave your "God who?" t-shirts at home or you will be smoted by the local cops.

UPDATE: The annoyance laws have been overturned in a NSW court who have declared " the annoyance clause was invalid because it could not have been the intention of Parliament to make such vague and extensive limits to free speech". See here

Govt to scare underage drinkers straight

Not really, this is the new tourist 'experience' from the new Darwin theme park, Crocasaurus Cove. Looks rather pants crappingly exciting, I would try it. According to local redneck chip shop owner, 'Choppa' the croc packs a whoppa of a punch when approached. I find that easy to believe. I would think if I was lounging about in my hole wondering what dog I would eat for dinner when a large plastic beer jug containing a shrieking Japanese tourist dropped on my head, I would give it a hell of a whack to see if something chewy or dead fell out. How long before Pamela Anderson turns up in hotpants to rescue Chopper?

How many did you cross off this weekend?

The New South Wales Office of Liquor and Gaming have released a very useful list of signs of drunkenness over the weekend. Its incredibly illuminating and utterly useless. what they going to do? laminate it and stick it in the toilets so you can check every time you go for a slash, to see if your drunk yet. Check yourself on this list. I got about 13 now, and I am sober and at work. What a load of tosh.

You are drunk if you are experiencing or have experienced:
1. Slurring words

2. Rambling or unintelligible conversation

3. Incoherent or muddled speech

4. Loss of train of thought

5. Not understanding normal conversation

6. Difficulty in paying attention

7. Unsteady on feet

8. Swaying uncontrollably

9. Staggering

10. Difficulting walking straight

11. Cannot stand or falling down

12. Stumbling

13. Bumping into or knocking over furniture and people

14. Lack of co-ordination

15. Spilling drinks

16. Dropping drinks

17. Fumbling change

18. Difficulty counting money or paying

19. Difficulty opening doors

20. Inability to find one's mouth with a glass

21. Rudeness

22. Aggression

23. Belligerent

24. Argumentative

25. Offensive

26. Bad tempered

27. Physically violent

28. Loud or boisterous

29. Confused

30. Disorderly

31. Exuberance

32. Using offensive language

33. Annoying or pestering others

34. Overly friendly

35. Loss of inhibition

36. Inappropriate sexual advances

37. Drowsiness or sleeping at a bar or table

38. Vomiting

39. Drinking rapidly

40. Reading Lists to find out if one is drunk or not

Scary. No words needed

Ok words are indeed needed....Bindi the Doll from Hell talks too! Says things like "Lets go rescue some wildlife", "Is that a Galah in your dunny?', "Come on guys lets poke a Croc with a didgeridoo" and "Watch me sing and dance while I scare the world with my dead DEAD EYES!"

Yippie Skippie! News

Soz about me not updating this for a few days buuuuuuut, I bagged myself a grand promotion! I have been shifted to be the 2IC (don't ya love my corp speak) aka second in charge of the new lifestyle division for Saunders&Co, our sister company. So i will be working on a bit of beauty, bit of Fashion and a bit of lifestyle and I am working with a great team as well. Oh my it all makes my man-nips tingle. This has come as a huge surprise but a welcome one, I love a challenge... and a curry. I also received a rather generous pay increase so i wont be running out of loo paper anytime soon hopefully. Bar something totally left of centre happening my entire set of teeth falling out, being sued by Cher or Jodhi Meares showing up for work. Ooo topical. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

When you're alone, and life is making you lonely You can always go....to a cuddle party!?

Forget Downtown, when you can go to a party and hug strangers for three and a half hours. Nothing naughty, just flannies and an ambrosia salad. The website describes a Cuddle Party as:
"A Cuddle Party is an event for adults to get together and explore affectionate touch and communication without it becoming sexualized. At these events, we create the safe space to talk about and explore what our needs are as adults when it comes to affection, intimacy and welcomed touch" ooooooookaaay...

Don't believe me look at the website.

I Wanty Wanty Wanty 3

I have stopped hyperventilating now, so I can type the keyboard whilst I sip down a gin and prune smoothie to calm my nerves. Introducing the Nooka Zub, a glow in the dark watch made exclusively for the conclusion of the Kanye West 'Glow in the Dark' tour. The will only be, *deep breath and gulp* 15 made and Kanye himself will find most these babies a home on a spoilt wrist somewhere. What plop I say, surrrre there will be 15 now but then their will be 30 more, then 300 then ooh we set up a website selling theses babies and before I know it the homeless guy outside my building will be wearing one. He already has a taste for Missoni, kid you not.
Sigh, I am off to top up my smoothie and find another way to read time when I am locked in a bank vault.

Spiders and Drugs

Healthy or not?

Right you see I am confused, last night bundled in my PJ's the SBS news told me that Australia was one of the healthiest countries on Earth and people live now some 40% longer than sometime other than now. Great! I was just about to jump off the couch and have a hand full of icing sugar when I thought I would switch and see what those crazy kids on the ABC were up too. They said that Australia was 'Drunker, Fatter and more diseased' than ever before. They get the same press kit? Somebodies poor PR intern mucked up bad, 'Oh I was supposed to send, like, the UN-diseased press pack? oopsy'. So the ABC, who I always imagined as a wise old woman in a rocking chair who loves cream on everything and watching man o man repeats, said Aussies are huge binge drinkers, are bustling belt sizes nationally and...have more STD's than ever before. Cripes but I think that might having something to do with the binge drinking, beer goggles anyone?

Oh ma, I don't know who to believe. One one hand I want to go out and have that extra piece of garlic bread, the other hand I want to have my stomach stapled and walk around in a vacuum packed coverall from Glad. So to calm my nerves I consulted the daily oracle, not Perez Hilton, SMH.com.au. They said both, and I paraphrase:"Congrats Australia your healthier than a while back, but your still fat, have more chance of dieing of nasty things like cancer and heart disease. There is still a 17 year gap between indigenous people and non indigenous peoples lifespans. Don't even get us started on whats down ya pants!" OK so that's not really good news is it...

Also here is a picture of a strange handbag I found on google images. Is it just me or does that black powder puff have glowing pink eyes?! Creeeeepy!

Love Love Love!!

Went to Cut Copy on Saturday night care of my friends at Universal Music, and it was amazing! I love them. The set was so tight and kept the music charging for the entire set, only with a couple pauses to wipe the sweat away or guzzle a beer before the songs pick up the pace again. I was dancing non stop for the entire set. Wicked. They pretty much focused on the new album In Ghost Colours, with a couple of faves from Bright Like Neon Love. Just awesome!! Thanks so much to Kirsty and Corinne. Quite funny too, got propositioned by a teenage girl!