When Brains Attack!

As i have alluded to I had a major health scare about three weeks ago, I was admitted to hospital just before and again during Easter. I was training and had just started it, when I got what was the worse headache I have ever had in the front of my head. It was like an explosion. Suffice to say I could not stand and my balance was all screwed up. So I went off to hospital and was admitted for CT scans and a lumbar puncture (which was horrible, where they put a huge needle in your spine). The doctors thought I may have had a brain aneurysm and needed to test me for all and sundry to make sure was not going to drop dead.

I was let out of hospital the next day but went straight back in two days later as one in 100 people have adverse reactions to the lumbar puncture. Including inability to stand, ultra sensitivity to light, hideous nausea and the most horrible headaches ever. So I was admitted to the Neurology ward for three days. They had to do an small procedure (with another huge needle) on my back to fix the problem but then I had to do heaps of other tests including one with radioactive iodine which felt like I had pissed myself.

It was so scary but I did not realise how much until I got out and just was devastated due to the stress and worry. It was not pretty.
The neurology ward was just horrific, I was directly opposite a guy who was a vegetable and had half his skull missing. He use to wail and moan like some animal into the middle of the night. At that point they did not know what was wrong with me so I was terrified I would end up like him.
They finally figured out it was some type of reaction to stress and over exercise, causing all the blood to rush to my head and cause what my neurologist called a “thunderclap” headache and the reason I had been turned into a human pin cushion is that the symptoms I had matched a sub orbital aneurysm (AKA possible killer bleed).

So after all that scariness it was a rather simple explanation, but it has taken me ages to recover. I lost about 6-8 kgs, had panda eyes and was quite shell shocked and emotional for a while. Its only now I can exercise again and am feeling better. I went back to work too early as i had these events to finish, but i was very slow and unable to respond very fast to people and questions. It was weird, like I was wrapped in cotton wool.

So it was a really traumatising time, very lonely as well, but feel interestingly Zen afterwards now. On the bright side i was overwhelmed by the support I got from co workers and friends alike. So that is really it for me, I am just glad to be ok.

Grounded and not liking it.

Hey, I am feeling very up and down in terms of emotions since my recent health issues. As a result I am grounded for any hard exercise for a while. I did a bit of a work out yesterday and now feel exhausted, also due to my lack of proper sleep for a couple of days as well. So I feel like I look tired and am a grumpy troll horror at work/home, worthy of a trip to the dungeon. But in my defense I have gone from working out everyday, to nothing, feeling like I have no energy and am so panicked about ruining all the hard work I put in at the gym. My trainer is saying slow down (which I hate doing and hate even More being told to do it) as my body has had a 'shock' and needs to rest psychically and emotionally. He is right though...

I will have an early one tonight then try some more exercise from Thursday. Its very frustrating to go from feeling so strong and healthy to feeling weak and down. I will be busy with work all next week and be away, so hopefully the week after I can start anew with training etc..

It may sound weird, but to me fitness is freedom. Strength gives you the chance to try anything you wish - hence freedom. Now I just feel locked in a cage, with grumpy James for company.

Guess who is coming to town.....

Yay! 2nd of April! I am going with my Friend Alex on Wednesday. Should be awesome. Will take loads of pictures. now all we need is a wee visit by Madge and the Hard Candy Tour!

Rough week

I am been quite ill this past week and ended up in hospital being tested for some really frightening things. I am OK, have more tests but the hard core deadly stuff has been crossed off the list.

I am still dealing with the whole shock of it so forgive me if I do not write about it yet. Its still stings alot. rest assured I am fine and healthy though i have to par back my fitness program and try to manage my stress levels for a while.

Comments

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Mancrush: The bear conclusion

It is funny how things come together to give you the resolution you need to a funny situation. You may remember back in the heady days of 2007 I had a major crush on the trainer at the gym. Well that progressed to no-where town, the lingering looks over the cross trainer remained but with no follow through. Not without trying though, a couple of stuttered words and a few head dives into the changing room went an approach was aborted at the final second. I ended up being a bit frustrated with it, I was going to bash my head against a wall but I already did that by accident.

But things happen to end things for you, this week I had two friends come into town Susan from London and Robert from Los Angeles. On Saturday night Rob and I went to Slide, and as we walked through the sliding doors I spied the trainer propping up the bar. Finally! I thought. So after Rob and I got drinks I went up and said ‘Hi’. My heart was in my nostril as I tried to act all cool, but due to his monosyllabic answers and disinterested demeanor I was getting the feeling I may as well be covered in dog poo.

So I returned to my friend and we were going to finish our drinks and leave the trainer in his box. Until the trainer came up and asked us to go to a club over the road, my eyebrows with my deflated hopes.
We went over the road and arrived at the funniest party I have ever been too, as we slipped between the leather curtain Rob and I realized we had arrived at a leather bear party. The room was surging with hairy, half naked men mostly over the age of 45. Rob and I stood against a wall, holding our beers like they were decent protection from the sweaty mush. Not unlike a pig pen.

It was then I saw the real reason I was getting no where with the trainer, he had whipped off his shirt and was promptly molesting a 50 year old hairy leather bear. Rob and I were astounded. At that point, shame weighting down my head like a paper weight, I ran across the room hoping for a teleport machine to take me away from this leather encrusted nightmare. It was that point I ran into a 21 year old who promptly made out with me on the dance floor. I know, crazy! Let’s just preface that with the fact I had been drinking since 5pm, so a tad bit fast. But in my defense, the 21 year old was cute and I had just wasted months on a guy who would have more fun at Taronga zoo than with me so it was rather well timed to take my mind off the utter humiliation of miss reading a situation so badly.

Oh well..just dreading returning to the gym today. But give me a week, it will be fun. I guess I have learned to sort out these situations before they out last their use by date. Oh and never go to a leather bar again.

Stuck in the middle

I was out last night as a mate from Los Angeles was out and we went to this Brazilian Party at Slide which was out of control, i had not been out of the scene for ages so i took the opportunity of Mardi Gras and the people it brings out of the woodwork. I really did not see anyone, but I felt really quite sad at one point.

Thinking "here i am again, still single and searching a room for a face". Not that there is anything wrong with it but i felt like the past few months have taken to me to a place in my head, that I feel a bit odd being back in a crowded room feeling like i am 'hookering' myself to a potential somebody. Once again I am over analysing this, as always, I feel like i am the healthiest and most confident I have been in years, so I really want to a relationship to stuff that up again? My friend Robert asked if i was single to which i muttered yes into my maxi sized G&T, "Ahhhh" he said, "That's why you look so good. Being in a relationship ages you". I am not entirely confident with this statement as he has been through about 5 relationships since I met him and he still looks the same age. I have had one major and a few short brain fart relationships and now feel cyrogenically frozen with a sign around my neck 'to be thawed out when he finds a nice guy'. Am I bad to hope he hurries up as winter is coming and its cold in my freezer.

How come I become so deflated by a room full of people? Maybe I am just a person who will never meet anyone. I know i just said the love equivalent of the C word in church, but they must exist, yet they are these people are not spoken of, like tax loop holes and dandruff on shoulders. I guess to think that you possibly could never meet someone scares the hell out of us, it drags up images of dying alone with a plate of roast pork on your lap in some dive and not being found for 6 months. So understandably it is better to ignore the fact. I'd rather eyeball it and see what i am scared off, then maybe it won't be anything to fear after that. That's not quite working yet...

New Album, New Look

I just found this, it is the first image from the shoot for Madonna's new album "Hard Candy", out late April. Its pretty cool, shot by her current photographer collaborator Steven Klein, and judging from the past it could be the theme for the new album including part of her new look. Even if not, it's pretty cool anyhoo. Never guessed she would do 'oiled up athlete/boxer girl' , but its works. Her mesh undies are quite see through. This is also used for the cover of an upcoming issue of UK Dazed and Confused. Bring on April I say!

Sydney Storms

This bashed us last night. Once in 20 year storm

Noosa, sore muscles and a one big ole party

Just got back from Noosa on Sunday, which was nice. Noosa is very cool, spent 5 days lying about in the sun which was hot - 40 degrees on one day! Took a 4wd truck over to Frazer Island, what an amazing but very strange place. It is one huge 170km long sand dune in which this ancient rainforest has grown on. Pretty amazing, though the bumpy roads almost made me lose my breakfast. I have already had enough of vomity tourist trips this year thanks. I got sick before I went away but the sun and surf solved that, I think the sickness may have had something to do with the epic night out I had for my friends wedding. I was really happy to be back home in Sydney though, got a bit restless for my own bed and home.

Now I am back, I have been hitting the training pretty hard. Have two PT sessions a day a week and then still going 5 evenings a week as well, last night I thought my legs were going to turn to jelly and I was going to face plant into the Kings Cross fountain. I do feel fitter and I am starting to look like it, I think. It is hard, you are always starring at yourself everyday so it is hard to tell really. But I was aching something wicked, especially today after all those squats, dips and step ups teamed with sprinting. At least our trainer is a bit of eye candy while you collapse nose first into dog poo after 40 push ups.

Marde Gras is on Saturday and off to a pretty fun looking "Gay Bash" party on the night and I will take a couple of million pictures for you. Not paying $200 to go to the crap after party. I do not understand how the price of the tickets is justifiable. The party has no imagination to it, its so cookie cutter and dull. Same old rooms, all playing the same old crap music to all the pill'ed up shirtless throngs. Boring! What ever happened to the creativity of it all? Any ideas let me know.

I will add some Noosa pics soon.

Caught in The Ivy...

Hey, had a great night on Friday at my friends wedding in Watson’s bay. Such a great night, ended up at the new Sydney bar The Ivy dancing away till about 4am on the Astroturf dancefloor. Such an amazing place, a real mix up of French Country, 60’s Pastiche, early 70’s Latin modernism and Miami inspired open walls and ceilings. Just awesome. Not sure how the semi indoor/outdoor thing will work in winter but who cares. Very fun and there was a three headed shower in a big fake camp flower bell over the dance floor.
But due to my late night antics I have come down with a horrible cold. So feeling a bit sookie as I could not go to my Trainer today.
BUT I am off to Noosa tomorrow for 6 days. Yay! Can’t promise I will update this during my stay there, but will after. I am off to blow my nose.

A bit fed up

So tired and a bit fed up today, this week has been crazy what with work (all the stresses involved) and all the training I have been doing - I have felt really drained. it is a friends Nic and Kate's wedding tonight which will be fun, but for some reason I brought the heaviest present in the land which I struggled to work with this morning.Not making my mood for the day very good. I am, though, off to Noosa on Tuesday for a few days which will be fun. I hope the weather improves, it has truly been a miserable summer this year for Australia.
At least we have lots of water now! Silver lining, silver lining. Sigh…

My 31st Birthday

Here is a pic from my birthday. I had such a great night with my friends, very fun and about 20 cocktails of various shapes,weights and girth. You can see right down my shirt in this picture. eeerr oops...

Personal Trainer

Sorry kids, 2008 has been a real ‘rocket up the butt’ year so far and not in any fun way either. I have started my personal trainer now which is pretty amazing. It is great to know how much more you can improve on and get better at. I did not want to be cosmetically strong but actually strong so hopefully this cross training approach will go well.
I have been going pretty hard, as I have the trainer during the day twice a week and then still going to the gym 4/5 nights after work. So I have been feeling quite tired and sore but it is all good.
More and better updates soon
J

Thirty One and onwards

Well jeez its another year on almost, 8 hours and so and I will be 31. I feel quite happy about this age, better than I did about 30 as I feel a million miles away from where i was a year ago. Funny how things and your outlook can change in 365 days.

I always use to get really down on my birthday, I use to see it as a massive red line how much of a loner I was and the echo of singledom in my ears was deafening. But how easy would it be to crawl into a ball again and wish for things to change without making any effort. This year I refuse to lets things get me down, I won't let a guy make me feel awful again, I won't let work drive me to irritation-ville, I won't let myself be saddened by hurtful actions of others and I won't begin another year feeling sorry for myself.

So if the hard way is the new way and the easy way was the sad way, I think 2008 will see alot of dirt under my nails.

I think I will be a better person for it, that is my birthday present to myself this year. The best I think I could have received.

2008 started with a bang!

So sorry I have not been able to write anything on this for a while, on my return to Australia I have been literally bonkers. Work is great, I flew to Melbourne last weekend for a meeting and stayed the night. Such an incredible city. Then back in Syd now. I have loads going on and will update you more soon. Just wanted to let you know I am still alive and will update my bloggy with words rather than pictures now. Just to let you know what is coming up:

• My birthday on Thursday, I will be 31. Having a drinks thing on Friday.
• Going to Noosa on the 19th for a short holiday, fun!
• Have a personal trainer starting next week for three months
• Looking at buying a house! Scary!
• Planning a trip to London and Europe for August.

So its all on my pets.

More soon
Jx

Holiday Pics part 3: Wanaka and Mt Cook

Above: Lake Matherson

Above: The Elusive Mt Cook

Above: Me, Andrew "Bull" and Jennifer

Above: Me in Lake Wanaka

Above: A beach on Lake Wanaka only accessible by boat

Holiday Pics part 2: Franz Josef glacier

Above: looking back from the glacier over the glacier valley where it has retreated from in the past three hundred years. Each of those boulders was the size of a fridge. The river was full of fast moving lumps of ice the size of a TV. Above: Jennifer and I

Above: The ice and the glacier cliff wall

Above: Me and my cramptons on the glacier.

Above: Standing at the base. Note the small line of people on it.

Below: The massive Franz Josef Glacier. When I took this picture we were still 1.5 hour hike from the base.

My Holiday Pics - Part One

Above: Milford Sound

Above: On The Drive to Milford Sound

Above: Milford Sound

I know they seem like postcard shots, but they are not, it was just so amazing. I will upload some more later.

Back! Feeling Great in 08!

I am back! Sorry for the delay I have been distracted my first week back. I promise to be more attentive to you know. SO...I am back from an amazing holiday back in New Zealand, four weeks it seems is the perfect amount of time for a holiday. Not too short nor too long. I have had a really awesome a relaxing time, be it very busy. A majority of time was spent with my Mum on Waiheke Island which is 30 mins ferry ride from downtown Auckland. That 30 mins makes all the difference as my mother’s property nestled in the hills on the eastern and more rural part of the island, was an escape. Mum has a solar powered house perched on the apex of a valley. My room had a glass roof so I could fall asleep looking at the stars. I have uploaded some images for you to see before. Simply amazing. It also seems with time my relationship with my mother has become closer, it was really amazing to get to know her as a person not just a mother. We have been very close always as it was always just me and her, but I feel it has shifted to a new level of maturity and love. So I craved to be back in the isolation of her house when I was away.

That said I spent a hilarious new years in Pukehina in the Bay of Plenty with my friends who have an uncanny ability to turn any holiday into a debauched conga line of drinking and rude conversation. We went on a cruise to swim with dolphins from Mt Maunganui on the 2nd Jan, and did not see any dolphins. To top this off I was vomiting off the back of the boats for 4 straight hours due to the heaving seas. So no dolphins and I had to pay $120 to feed the fish my breakfast. Not a happy chappy. After the forth vomit I passed out on a bulkhead and was awoken to a man looking me in the eyes and asking “Are you from Australia?” I don’t know what I said but it was not a convivial “Well yes as a matter of fact...” as I wiped the dried vomit form my face and hat. I think I grunted and hugged a life jacket wanting to die. I was In Pukehina for 5 days before heading back to Waiheke to recoup before jetting off to the South Island for a whistle stop tour of the southern south Island and west coast.

My friend Jennifer and I took custody of an awesome 4x4 and drove 1370 kms in 5 days. We went to the primordial and huge Milford Sound, via Te Anua, then back up to the gold rush era town Arrowtown n where we roasted in the heat. From there we drove 5 hours up to Franz Josef Glacier on the middle of the west coast. The drive is through some of the most ancient and Jurassic style rainforests I have ever seen. Once in FJG we hiked the glacier on a half day guided tour. It is one of the best things I have done, you must do it. Then after two days there we drove to Wanaka to stay with a friend Andrew and his fiancé. He took us out on the lake for a swim in the freezing and azure blue alpine lake. After a night there we dropped the car off in Queenstown for our final day and night. I went White Water rafting and promptly fell out in rather a dramatic rebounding incident on the river. But what is WW rafting without getting water up your nostril and a bit freaked out. That night we headed for the World Bar in Queenstown for too many ‘teapots’ and terrible music.

I love the South Island I think I have found a place I want to visit again and again, even maybe buy a property there. That said my mother said she wanted to help me buy my first home. Amazing huh??
So I am very positive about 2008, after an amazing holiday and a new perspective on life. I feel I have fallen back in love with NZ and left my heart there.
Please find some pictures I took from my trip, these will say more that my prattle.
Hope you holiday was amazing for you too.

xxx