Abby Cornish - Sexiest Vegetarian 2008 Woot Woot!

So Abby Cornish won, the sexiest vegetarian of 2008 award from PETA in the Hunter Valley last night and I could not be happier, considering I have never heard of this prize and wondering what the point was. I have no problem with vegetarians, but I am risking a masked beetroot attack tonight by saying I think this is the oddest award I have ever heard of. Apparently competition was tight for this coveted crown, supposedly made out of lima beans, turnips and a large fennel bush. Abby fought off the best of the vego mafia including John Butler and Missy Higgins as well as those single letter last name entertainers Andrew G and Jackie O, to take home the world’s first edible award.

Tens of thousands of people voted for sexiest vegetarian, I obviously missed that invite. I believe the other categories were, Happiest Pumpkin Grower, Nicest Cat Owner and my favourite, Rescuer of tubular fruit from sexual harassment and vilification. I believe people where elbowing each other to get to the Banquet, which was a sumptuous spread of pumpernickel bread and twig salad. I also hear things got really crazy after too many wheat grass shots and they headed off to Newtown to harass poor old ladies who still use plastic shopping bags.
Congrats Abby!

Cut Copy. Me. Saturday!

I was at a disco party by my friend Oli and i got talking to her friend Kirsty who works at Universal Music and does the marketing for most of the Australian Electro bands i love. I started to ramble when i heard she did Cut Copy, I love their new Album In Ghost Colours and their old album too. Anyway she offered me a ticket to the sold out gig on Saturday and i literally ran screaming through the house.

I can't wait! Will let you know how it goes.....Jealous?

Button Up Rednecks!

After this horrific button was sold at the Republican Annual (Witch Hunt Against Every One We Hate or Deem Anti American Cause They Are Not Us) conference, I took a look at the Republican online shop. The http://www.republicanmarket.com/ has such teeth grind inducing horrors like "Life's a bitch so don't vote for one" and "Stand for our troops or stand in front of them". You can almost smell the gears burning at the republican spin factory to work themselves out of this one.

Check it out in all its redneck glory http://www.republicanmarket.com/store/cat/21.Buttons

Me Mum

I just found out that the investment company my Mum had invested a majority of her money in NZ has gone bust. It is so sad, she is understandably devastated by it. But in the midst of this she is still stoic saying it could have been worse and other people are worse off than her. Which is true she has an amazing property that will only appreciate in value no matter how stink economic outlooks get. But its just so hard to hear this happening to your Mum, i just want to fly home and give her a big hug and make her a cup of tea. I have sent a box of treats to make her feel better.

The outcome for the investment firm is not clear, they are in lock down and have to wait to see whether they dissolve the company and spread out the fund to investors or hold onto it and live to fight another day. Its all up to the vote, my Mum's as well. So SAD! I just want to cry for her, especially when she gave me the money for the tooth last week. I said i wanted to pay her back but she said for me to pay off my CC and sort out that.

Unfortunately this puts the house plans on permanent hold as my Mum was going to help me with this investment. She was apologetic but i said do not worry i just want to know she will be OK. I think she will be as she has always been a real estate maverick. But I love me Mum and it breaks my heart to think how bad she must be feeling.

UPDATE: Mum's feeling better now, things are not as bad compared to other stories i have read. The company has gone into moratorium which means all the funds are locked until a decision on the company is made. Last word was Dominion was appealing for overseas investors to bail out the company, then a meeting will be called to vote on the next steps. Chances are Mum will get her initial investment back, but nothing extra.

Sex and the Shitty

My tanturm looked very similar to this.

I have been holding back seeing the movie version as the utter estrogenically charged mania surrounding it made me frankly a bit scared for the safety of my testicles. I loved the series but was slightly apprehensive of the movie version, but after talking to several of my female friends who (in between their foaming mouth corners and scratching past me with red nails to rebook tickets) told me it 'Tooootally' is worth seeing. Now all my friends have seen it and the one person i was going to see it with, has downloaded it! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! So now either I have to go alone and look like a utter loser or wait for the DVD and look like a bigger loser renting it on a Saturday night. Gawd.

I wanty wanty wanty 2

I feel as office supplies go, the more crass or stylish the better it is for the entire universe. Well by universe i mean, office and by entire i mean, me. This ticks both boxes. Today i continued my lunchtime hunt for things i will buy when I go overseas, which is now longer than a Peter Jackson movie, i saw this brilliant all-in-one office thingee. Called The Butt Station, the Urban Outfitters site says "This really puts the "ass" in "businass!" and continues to say "The Butt Station is perfect for any desk, keeping you smiling and organized! Includes a tape dispenser with metal cutter, pen and business card holders and a toilet paper clip compartment with magnetic butt for easy retrieval. Imported. Wipe clean." Ewww.

New Front Tooth

"I can suck a straw and talk as well!"

Finally, after 2 and half months and nearly $4000 spent on ONE tooth, i have a brand new front tooth and it looks......amazing.

It is difficult to describe but it looks so real i would not even know, even the gum looks healthy. jeez what an episode, which i would not have been able to do so fast if my mum did not fork up half the $$ for the treatment.

I tells ya, dental care should be more subsided in this country. I am just lucky i could afford do something about it.

Anyway after weeks of chopping my food into bite sized chunks or chewing away from my front teeth (which is very hard, try it!) i christened my new chomper on a ham and cheese sandwich. Hardly a glam unit but still was the best sandwich i have had in ages. My dentist (who does Miss Australia and Craig Wing) said i can pretty much eat anything bar biting ice cubes and watch apples. who bites ices with their front teeth???

Hopefully the dramatic teeth chapter of my life is closed for a few years now.

Emotional Russian roulette anyone?

Don't care what people think? I dare you to try http://www.facestat.com/, this is Hot or Not from hell. FaceStat lets you up load images of yourself and then other people post comments and opinions on your picture. Random strangers judge your looks, intelligence, political leanings, if you are drunk or not as well as your ability to win fights with house pets. These opinions are then pasted on your face like one of those 'glue and newspaper' primary school social studies projects. Facestat explains "Within a couple hours, you will have detailed statistics about how people feel about the picture you provide. It's like market research for the individual." I am quite certain I do not need that much information or 'research' on myself. If anyone has the moxie to take on Facestat, please let me know. I will provide a hot cup of bovril and a shoulder to cry on if need be.

Old friend and cow sex.

I was just reading an online news piece before i bugger off home, about a US high court judge who had been busted putting porngraphic pictures online of women dressed like cows and men romping with turned on farm yard animals, (if you are more interested in that story than this one click here) and a picture of my old school friend Barnie popped up in an ad. so funny! I saw him in the TV ad but did not expect to see his face in the middle of beastiality trial news story!

Winter in the city

Love this picture, but who is the Alfred Hitchcock look alike on the left!?

So winter is finally here and i was just counting on my fingers the other day on the escalator that its only 8 more weeks till spring. 8 FUDGING WEEKS! Jeezing flipping heck, half the year has gone and i have done stuff all exciting things. That gonna change now, i have booked in with freediving spearfishing with great white sharks and sample shopping with menopausal house wives. i am living life on the edge now, i may not even flush the toilet after i use it. Not sure if my flatmates will like that, but i am just craaaaazy now so they can ship off to boring-ville if they can't handle the heat. Bloody hell, what was my point?

I am back now

Ok, yes the past week or so has been quite dramatic. On Saturday, I had to go to the police and file a report against this lunatic who is using my pics on websites. I had the funniest community liaison officer, who told me she and her mum are huge fag hag, she loved horse racing and then told me some rather saucy stuff about the son of one of Australia's largest media moguls found in a carpark in Kings X having 'bum sex' with his boyfriend. It was quite the eye opening visit to the local cop shop.

Anyway, they are being quite helpful. They are unsure how to tackle it as the whole online thing is a new frontier for policing. But one of the websites said they would be open to release the details of the offender to the police, so fingers crossed the police will do that.

Also my mum has fronted the money for my new tooth, which was quite embarrassing for me as I really wanted to do it alone. But I guess sometimes you have to let someone help you when your struggling.

How you been?

I wanty wanty wanty!

I is hyperventilating after confirmation that the iPhone is FINALLY coming to Australia, through Optus, 3 and Vodafone. I have been obsessed since I snatched one out of the hand of a Neighbours actor at a function, stroking it slowly and muttering "me need this" and "my preciousssssh". For me, whose iPod has seen better days and my mobile phone spends more time searching for a network than ringing, the amalgamation of both units would be a techies dream come true. One thing though, if you are listening to music on an iPhone and it rings, are you totally deafened by the ring tone shrieking straight into your ear drum?

Picture not so perfect

"Subtle and tastefully decorated property available. May contain dwarfs. A must see"

Ok yeah, trying to start house hunting. not in a manic Sydney I-must-get-up-at-5am-every-weekend-and-slog-around-looking-at-every-house-available way but in a oh-that-looks-spiffy-i-may-go-have-a-look-if-i-get-up-in-time kinda way. But what has surprised me is that the images you see are totally not what you get. Some of the pictures look like the available place is this gargantuan property with huge white walls and space enough to catapult the cat let alone swing one. But when you get there, its the size of a Peruvian torture hut, low ceiling, dark and packed full of strangers. Its kinda annoying, rather like making a date on the Internet with a svelte looking person and turning up to meet the Hindenburg. Here is one i want to see on Saturday.

http://www.domain.com.au/Public/propertydetails.aspx?adid=2007169677&s_rid=HomeAlert:NSW:buy:photo&prevChannel=Emails&prevPage=Home+Alert+Open+(postclick)&prevServer=Emails&s_cid=HomeAlert:NSW&haprof=938026

what do you think? Looks good but may be the size of a dolls house, so i may be able to slide an arm through the window and grope about to see whats its like.

Knot Me!

Had my massage on Friday night. It was amazing, though it did not realise i had to go naked. The heavy eyelined swede lady said she "would cover me at all times, but here...we go nude like". So ever so bashfully i succumbed but with an extra towel underneath just in case of tornado. It was still a bit hard (no pun intended) to keep my privacy contained when she was doing the foot scrub. But i think all parties all remained...accounted for. Any way it was just awesome, i have never had a full body massage and it was incredible. A wee be strange having a stranger kneed your buttocks and inner thighs, but good never the less. She had her work cut out for her, i had the most massive knot but my left shoulder blade. It felt like one a river stone under there. She worked at it for ages and it shrank but not all the way. It was so odd, but not a surprise. Its weird to realise how many aches and injuries you have, especially when someone is going over your entire body looking for them like a sniffer dog! She said i need to get a few deep tissue massages to get rid of it. I am such a pussy when i comes to hard massages, but i will look into it. Overall pretty awesome, though after i was covered in so much oil i looked like a wrestler or a porn star.

Hoping for a change...

I am going to get an hour long massage at SpaChakra at Blue Hotel in Woolloomooloo, a gift from my boss for workin hard. Have a going away after, not sure how i will scrape up for that! I may be a bit floppy.

I have had a really bad day, Last week i found out that the person who put a false profile using my pictures in a gay dating website, was up to his (or her) old tricks again. I complained to the site, provided my ID and they supposedly took it down, but i looked again today and they we back up. I feel like the website are not taking this seriously. Can they not block this person or black list the pics?

Obviously not. My friend Alex said i should take it as a complement, that someone has taken all this time to set up this fake profile. That's true to a certain extent and bless Alex for looking on the bright side of things, but its awful nevertheless as every second look from a guy , i think think "Argh!" and that they think I like humiliation sex, Gloria Gaynor and scrap-booking (?!). At least the site does not say i have HIV anymore, that was horrible and just wrong.

The really odd thing is that the pics on the site are from years ago and i do not have any idea where they came from, so it makes me think its a spurned ex or a Facebook leak. I doubt it was the ex (s), not that i am all 'skippy-ole'-lollypop' with them but i doubt they would do something as vile. Facebook is a safer bet, but some of the pics used are not even on my Facebook. Confusing. Anyway i have heightened my security on my Facebook page, so only friends and the pope can see my pics.

When did i become this person, who has such bad luck?

Please wish me some good karma or Mojo to give this bad run of luck, a permanent flick. Have a good weekend x

Heard it all before

Well this was not hugely surprising, but still disappointing. After stating in three interview plus a TV interview the tour for Hard Candy would come to Australia, Madonna has flicked a leotard in the eye of all Aussie fans by pulling the Sticky & Sweet Tour 08/09(http://www.ultrastar.com/email/iconmadonna/080507/index.htm) Australian leg off the table once again.

Before you fans go spaz and start burning fingerless gloves and canceling yoga memberships, further dates are yet to be announced for South America and for her last tour, Confessions, Japan was added last minute to the gigs. It still does not look good. Pity, as it will be early summer and a great chance to use some huge outdoor venues here in Oz. But you can't tell Madonna what to do, especially if she is trying to save the world in 4 minutes but only has 3 minutes to spare. Someone has to miss out.

But after saying she would come, it is really kinda crap, makes you think it was just a PR ploy to send Hard Candy number 1. It worked but I can a sense an Australian backlash in the discoball. Having been a person who has seen her live, it is a real disappointment for those who will miss out again, the tickets may seem $$ but it is worth every cent and she gives 400% to the experience. Keep fingers crossed, but don't hold your breath. Like the other Madonna, we have to say our prayers if you want to see her. To be continued....

UPDATE: She is not coming, get burning kids.

31 going on 17

"where does the vomit end and the couch start?'

On Saturday I went to a party in Bondi that was utterly out of control, 200 people, animal masks, bongo drums and projectile vomiting. It was a flash back to my days with a plastic vodka bottle, walking home drunk and peeing in someone’s parents rose garden. Yes the heady days of high school parties. 14 years later and a few more zeros in the back account, the good old house party does bring back nostalgia for the days when the big problem was who looked old enough to buy the $8 two litre wine cask.
The party seemed to mostly be a combination of Bondi backpackers, 16 year old gate crashers and utter randoms. While public drunkenness was secondary to pills it seems, as most people had eyes like black hubcaps. Something that never happened at any of my high school parties, the biggest drug was pot or at maximum some old poppers someone’s gay brother left in the back of their car.

It did not take long for the cops to turn up, we were shuffled out onto the front lawn to see the riot squad turn up. I noticed that every house neighbouring the party has its owners standing, hands on hips, in their yard staring at the chaos. Populating the side show were girls laying on the grass with dresses up on their shoulders vomiting onto the mud next to them as their friends took pictures on their camera phones, two French guys having a rather homo erotic wrestling match in a hedgerow and some girl screaming for a guy called Max who obviously did to be want to be found. The police were not in the mood for disco and started literally pushing people on their away, and in one case, smacking the face of a drunk idiot who wanted a picture with the riot force.

I suggested we leave immediately as the police were not going to beat around the bush, rather beat you in the bush. I never remember being chased off by truncheons in the 90’s but never the less it was damn fun to see little things change, but I am glad that I am no longer vomiting into the grass or into bongo drums. I am also thanking the fact that camera phones did not exist so all those falls, pashes, pukes and drunken kleptomania were never documented.

Cords!

"Oh poo. This is the last time i buy a cordless hairdryer!"

Recently in my musings, i have noticed that i am slowly being swallowed by cords. Cords for my iPod, cords for my digi camera, 2 for my mobile, for my computer, for my electric toothbrush! this does not include the numerous power cables and headphone cords that cause me to screech in frustration late at night. These cords, that must slither across the room as i doze, dreaming of an uncomplicated life, to mate and in tangle themselves in an orgy of unused electronic wires and rubber. So much so when i go to use one of these cords, they are tangled into a hellish knot that defies reason and requires more effort to solve than a Rubik's cube or the Paris Metro. Many a night i have sat, brow furrowed, trying to liberate my iPod USB cord from it marriage to my camera recharge unit. I have horrible thoughts that one morning i will awake and have to fight my way through a sea of wired and cords, much akin to the pit of snakes in Raiders of the Lost Ark. I want one super cord that plugs into everything, a UNI cord. That charges all electronic toys, that come in a neat retractable container. It would even be great if it could change my sheets and find my lost keys as well.

our shows

Above: Lee Mathews

Below: Hotel Bondi

Above: Ruby Smallbone
Below: Stitch Ministry

Above: Therese Rawsthorne

here are some pics from each of the shows our agency worked on. For more images go to www.gettyimages.com

RAFW wrap party

jeez, a bit worse for wear today. had the RAFW wrap party last night and am a little ragged at the edges. but it was a great party and guess who ended up on the walls of the party? see pics. had my pic taken on Monday then get to the party and i see someone quite familiar staring back at me. so funny.