Emotional Russian roulette anyone?

Don't care what people think? I dare you to try http://www.facestat.com/, this is Hot or Not from hell. FaceStat lets you up load images of yourself and then other people post comments and opinions on your picture. Random strangers judge your looks, intelligence, political leanings, if you are drunk or not as well as your ability to win fights with house pets. These opinions are then pasted on your face like one of those 'glue and newspaper' primary school social studies projects. Facestat explains "Within a couple hours, you will have detailed statistics about how people feel about the picture you provide. It's like market research for the individual." I am quite certain I do not need that much information or 'research' on myself. If anyone has the moxie to take on Facestat, please let me know. I will provide a hot cup of bovril and a shoulder to cry on if need be.

Old friend and cow sex.

I was just reading an online news piece before i bugger off home, about a US high court judge who had been busted putting porngraphic pictures online of women dressed like cows and men romping with turned on farm yard animals, (if you are more interested in that story than this one click here) and a picture of my old school friend Barnie popped up in an ad. so funny! I saw him in the TV ad but did not expect to see his face in the middle of beastiality trial news story!

Winter in the city

Love this picture, but who is the Alfred Hitchcock look alike on the left!?

So winter is finally here and i was just counting on my fingers the other day on the escalator that its only 8 more weeks till spring. 8 FUDGING WEEKS! Jeezing flipping heck, half the year has gone and i have done stuff all exciting things. That gonna change now, i have booked in with freediving spearfishing with great white sharks and sample shopping with menopausal house wives. i am living life on the edge now, i may not even flush the toilet after i use it. Not sure if my flatmates will like that, but i am just craaaaazy now so they can ship off to boring-ville if they can't handle the heat. Bloody hell, what was my point?

I am back now

Ok, yes the past week or so has been quite dramatic. On Saturday, I had to go to the police and file a report against this lunatic who is using my pics on websites. I had the funniest community liaison officer, who told me she and her mum are huge fag hag, she loved horse racing and then told me some rather saucy stuff about the son of one of Australia's largest media moguls found in a carpark in Kings X having 'bum sex' with his boyfriend. It was quite the eye opening visit to the local cop shop.

Anyway, they are being quite helpful. They are unsure how to tackle it as the whole online thing is a new frontier for policing. But one of the websites said they would be open to release the details of the offender to the police, so fingers crossed the police will do that.

Also my mum has fronted the money for my new tooth, which was quite embarrassing for me as I really wanted to do it alone. But I guess sometimes you have to let someone help you when your struggling.

How you been?

I wanty wanty wanty!

I is hyperventilating after confirmation that the iPhone is FINALLY coming to Australia, through Optus, 3 and Vodafone. I have been obsessed since I snatched one out of the hand of a Neighbours actor at a function, stroking it slowly and muttering "me need this" and "my preciousssssh". For me, whose iPod has seen better days and my mobile phone spends more time searching for a network than ringing, the amalgamation of both units would be a techies dream come true. One thing though, if you are listening to music on an iPhone and it rings, are you totally deafened by the ring tone shrieking straight into your ear drum?

Picture not so perfect

"Subtle and tastefully decorated property available. May contain dwarfs. A must see"

Ok yeah, trying to start house hunting. not in a manic Sydney I-must-get-up-at-5am-every-weekend-and-slog-around-looking-at-every-house-available way but in a oh-that-looks-spiffy-i-may-go-have-a-look-if-i-get-up-in-time kinda way. But what has surprised me is that the images you see are totally not what you get. Some of the pictures look like the available place is this gargantuan property with huge white walls and space enough to catapult the cat let alone swing one. But when you get there, its the size of a Peruvian torture hut, low ceiling, dark and packed full of strangers. Its kinda annoying, rather like making a date on the Internet with a svelte looking person and turning up to meet the Hindenburg. Here is one i want to see on Saturday.

http://www.domain.com.au/Public/propertydetails.aspx?adid=2007169677&s_rid=HomeAlert:NSW:buy:photo&prevChannel=Emails&prevPage=Home+Alert+Open+(postclick)&prevServer=Emails&s_cid=HomeAlert:NSW&haprof=938026

what do you think? Looks good but may be the size of a dolls house, so i may be able to slide an arm through the window and grope about to see whats its like.

Knot Me!

Had my massage on Friday night. It was amazing, though it did not realise i had to go naked. The heavy eyelined swede lady said she "would cover me at all times, but here...we go nude like". So ever so bashfully i succumbed but with an extra towel underneath just in case of tornado. It was still a bit hard (no pun intended) to keep my privacy contained when she was doing the foot scrub. But i think all parties all remained...accounted for. Any way it was just awesome, i have never had a full body massage and it was incredible. A wee be strange having a stranger kneed your buttocks and inner thighs, but good never the less. She had her work cut out for her, i had the most massive knot but my left shoulder blade. It felt like one a river stone under there. She worked at it for ages and it shrank but not all the way. It was so odd, but not a surprise. Its weird to realise how many aches and injuries you have, especially when someone is going over your entire body looking for them like a sniffer dog! She said i need to get a few deep tissue massages to get rid of it. I am such a pussy when i comes to hard massages, but i will look into it. Overall pretty awesome, though after i was covered in so much oil i looked like a wrestler or a porn star.

Hoping for a change...

I am going to get an hour long massage at SpaChakra at Blue Hotel in Woolloomooloo, a gift from my boss for workin hard. Have a going away after, not sure how i will scrape up for that! I may be a bit floppy.

I have had a really bad day, Last week i found out that the person who put a false profile using my pictures in a gay dating website, was up to his (or her) old tricks again. I complained to the site, provided my ID and they supposedly took it down, but i looked again today and they we back up. I feel like the website are not taking this seriously. Can they not block this person or black list the pics?

Obviously not. My friend Alex said i should take it as a complement, that someone has taken all this time to set up this fake profile. That's true to a certain extent and bless Alex for looking on the bright side of things, but its awful nevertheless as every second look from a guy , i think think "Argh!" and that they think I like humiliation sex, Gloria Gaynor and scrap-booking (?!). At least the site does not say i have HIV anymore, that was horrible and just wrong.

The really odd thing is that the pics on the site are from years ago and i do not have any idea where they came from, so it makes me think its a spurned ex or a Facebook leak. I doubt it was the ex (s), not that i am all 'skippy-ole'-lollypop' with them but i doubt they would do something as vile. Facebook is a safer bet, but some of the pics used are not even on my Facebook. Confusing. Anyway i have heightened my security on my Facebook page, so only friends and the pope can see my pics.

When did i become this person, who has such bad luck?

Please wish me some good karma or Mojo to give this bad run of luck, a permanent flick. Have a good weekend x

Heard it all before

Well this was not hugely surprising, but still disappointing. After stating in three interview plus a TV interview the tour for Hard Candy would come to Australia, Madonna has flicked a leotard in the eye of all Aussie fans by pulling the Sticky & Sweet Tour 08/09(http://www.ultrastar.com/email/iconmadonna/080507/index.htm) Australian leg off the table once again.

Before you fans go spaz and start burning fingerless gloves and canceling yoga memberships, further dates are yet to be announced for South America and for her last tour, Confessions, Japan was added last minute to the gigs. It still does not look good. Pity, as it will be early summer and a great chance to use some huge outdoor venues here in Oz. But you can't tell Madonna what to do, especially if she is trying to save the world in 4 minutes but only has 3 minutes to spare. Someone has to miss out.

But after saying she would come, it is really kinda crap, makes you think it was just a PR ploy to send Hard Candy number 1. It worked but I can a sense an Australian backlash in the discoball. Having been a person who has seen her live, it is a real disappointment for those who will miss out again, the tickets may seem $$ but it is worth every cent and she gives 400% to the experience. Keep fingers crossed, but don't hold your breath. Like the other Madonna, we have to say our prayers if you want to see her. To be continued....

UPDATE: She is not coming, get burning kids.

31 going on 17

"where does the vomit end and the couch start?'

On Saturday I went to a party in Bondi that was utterly out of control, 200 people, animal masks, bongo drums and projectile vomiting. It was a flash back to my days with a plastic vodka bottle, walking home drunk and peeing in someone’s parents rose garden. Yes the heady days of high school parties. 14 years later and a few more zeros in the back account, the good old house party does bring back nostalgia for the days when the big problem was who looked old enough to buy the $8 two litre wine cask.
The party seemed to mostly be a combination of Bondi backpackers, 16 year old gate crashers and utter randoms. While public drunkenness was secondary to pills it seems, as most people had eyes like black hubcaps. Something that never happened at any of my high school parties, the biggest drug was pot or at maximum some old poppers someone’s gay brother left in the back of their car.

It did not take long for the cops to turn up, we were shuffled out onto the front lawn to see the riot squad turn up. I noticed that every house neighbouring the party has its owners standing, hands on hips, in their yard staring at the chaos. Populating the side show were girls laying on the grass with dresses up on their shoulders vomiting onto the mud next to them as their friends took pictures on their camera phones, two French guys having a rather homo erotic wrestling match in a hedgerow and some girl screaming for a guy called Max who obviously did to be want to be found. The police were not in the mood for disco and started literally pushing people on their away, and in one case, smacking the face of a drunk idiot who wanted a picture with the riot force.

I suggested we leave immediately as the police were not going to beat around the bush, rather beat you in the bush. I never remember being chased off by truncheons in the 90’s but never the less it was damn fun to see little things change, but I am glad that I am no longer vomiting into the grass or into bongo drums. I am also thanking the fact that camera phones did not exist so all those falls, pashes, pukes and drunken kleptomania were never documented.

Cords!

"Oh poo. This is the last time i buy a cordless hairdryer!"

Recently in my musings, i have noticed that i am slowly being swallowed by cords. Cords for my iPod, cords for my digi camera, 2 for my mobile, for my computer, for my electric toothbrush! this does not include the numerous power cables and headphone cords that cause me to screech in frustration late at night. These cords, that must slither across the room as i doze, dreaming of an uncomplicated life, to mate and in tangle themselves in an orgy of unused electronic wires and rubber. So much so when i go to use one of these cords, they are tangled into a hellish knot that defies reason and requires more effort to solve than a Rubik's cube or the Paris Metro. Many a night i have sat, brow furrowed, trying to liberate my iPod USB cord from it marriage to my camera recharge unit. I have horrible thoughts that one morning i will awake and have to fight my way through a sea of wired and cords, much akin to the pit of snakes in Raiders of the Lost Ark. I want one super cord that plugs into everything, a UNI cord. That charges all electronic toys, that come in a neat retractable container. It would even be great if it could change my sheets and find my lost keys as well.

our shows

Above: Lee Mathews

Below: Hotel Bondi

Above: Ruby Smallbone
Below: Stitch Ministry

Above: Therese Rawsthorne

here are some pics from each of the shows our agency worked on. For more images go to www.gettyimages.com

RAFW wrap party

jeez, a bit worse for wear today. had the RAFW wrap party last night and am a little ragged at the edges. but it was a great party and guess who ended up on the walls of the party? see pics. had my pic taken on Monday then get to the party and i see someone quite familiar staring back at me. so funny.

RAFW!

I just worked till 9pm the other night and all yesterday (that was a public holiday) to do the seating plans for 2 out of the 5 shows we are doing for Rosemount Australian Fashion Week that kicks off Monday. It will be exciting and i have not had the huge responsibility of doing a show this year which is nice. But i am doing all i can to help my team who have been slaving away for weeks. Though staring at an excel document for 8 hours can really do your head in.

Looking forward to the shows, look out for Hotel Bondi Swim, Therese Rawsthorne, Stitch Ministry, Ruby Smallbone and Lee Mathews, as they are our shows.

Will update you on the week...

Tooth

hey, went and saw a new dentist. Who was so nice and had this great team in Woollahra. Quoted me $1600 for the entire job and also said the guy i saw was a total shark and known to overcharge. Pity i am on this side of my $850 before finding that out, but i needed my tooth put back in. Anyhoo after fashion week, i will start my root canal therapy and then have a new chomper. I think i will call it Ploppy.

Good outcome!

Hard Candy - Full review

"Whose ya mama?"

This is not the album I expected, somewhat a relief and a disappointment at the same time. Madge has not lost any of her sledge hammer subtlety nor her love of a good boogie. This album has tweaked layers and interesting twists, From the slurpy Candy Shop, where she invites you to get sticky fingers in her candy box, to the closing electronic Notre Dame of a song in the Gothic Voices, this album is like nothing Madonna has claimed before.

The outstanding tracks are: Give it 2 me that charges like a bull in a lingerie store, and enjoys every dirty moment. The hypnotic Heartbeat and Miles Away are the most ballad-like tracks, but they still have a thump to keep the neighbours annoyed. The Beat Goes On and the utterly awesome (!!) Dance 2Night, are guaranteed dance floor anthems. Mining classic 70's disco, complete with the handclaps, bells, whistles and Justin Timberlake's Bee Gees style 'Aahhs'. While the wonderfully titled The Devil Wouldn't Recognised You, is a classic mournful and dark Madonna track.

This is a good album but like real candy, the satisfaction is short lived and leaves you wanting more. Madonna has created some of the strongest albums in her career in the past ten years, but Hard Candy feels slapped together and slightly short on the life we expect from a Madonna album. Bad tracks include the overlong and slightly undercooked Incredible. Strangely enough feels like it needed a few more sessions through the Madge-a-tron to make it work. Spanish Lessons is another raiding of the Latin cupboard that M spent alot of the 80's in, this time it just sounds dated. On the upside she embraces her inner M.I.L.F, growling "If you do your homework, maybe i'll give you more". I am grateful that the utterly awful Ring My Bell, a bonus track on the special edition CDs, did not make it to the final album. it would have tipped the scales into crapdom. Without it Hard Candy teeters safely on the good side of things.

I was quite concerned that Madge would get lost in the forest of R&B try hard, Hard Candy is not a bad album but we have come to expect more after the tour de force that was Confessions On The Dancefloor. The tracks rattle the teeth and it is really hard not to wiggle when she hits her groove, but it feels too top heavy with the Farrel and Timberland production, and Madge ends up like guest on her own album. The climax of the album ends with a bell tolling, which I am sure this not accident, and is a reference to the expectation that she will now that she is almost 50 she will (or should apparently) pack up the decks and knee length boots, to make toilet roll covers. I get the feeling, for her, this album is a staunch middle finger to all those doubters.

I do not agree she should retire, she has so much more to give and more ground to cover but its disappointing Madonna does not seem to care as much anymore. Hard Candy is a modern album that ticks all the mainstream boxes, but over time may melt into a sugary blob when compared to her previous collaborations. B-

'All i want for xmas is my front tooth'

Well, i have bad karma or something this year. Just as i am getting over the hospital event, i was sitting down this Sunday to a tasty BLT and my fake front tooth fell out! I was horrified, in a sub hysterical tizzy i hence forth found a 24/7 dentist and went and paid $850 to have the tooth fixed back into the yellow stump. I then found out the problem was much bigger than a bit of super glue, the issue is i have an infection in my gum due to a bad root canal when it first happened. You see it was 7 years ago in NYC and i slipped on ice and smashed out my tooth. I was living in London and sans insurance, so i found a dentist who stabilised the tooth for my flight home. Unfortunately it was not done well and i have ended up now with an abscess. So now i am looking at out about $4000 worth of work to clean out my tooth, new root canal, reconstruction of the post and a new porcelain cap. Suffice to say i was quite upset, but now realise i have to do it or my tooth will keep popping out to say hello to my sandwiches. So i am going to see a dentist tomorrow for a second opinion and search for dentists with long term payment plans so i can get it done ASAP.

Bit sucky but hey at least i do not have a brain aneurysm!

How not to work out...

Starting again

Ok, went back to training again yesterday and I felt like I had been out of it for 4 months. I was so tired and weak. Its a strange feeling that your body has slowed down when the brain has not, I guess that's illness and aging. It will take me a while to get back to the place I was pre-illness but I am determined to do so. Last night I was talking to my friend Jennifer in NZ and realised I still have not computed the whole episode and she was surprised I went through most of it alone and so quietly.

This was not so surprising for me as it was bad timing that 99% of my friends were away for Easter, my mum was in NZ and I am single. So to me I had no other choice but to do it alone. I have to admit it causes some pangs of hurt when I think about it but I think those pangs are tied into my overall feeling towards the whole event. I was never going to crawl into a ball and fall apart over this, and to coin a common phrase: what has not killed me has made me stronger.

I have to admit that I went back to work too early, but I had no other choice but too. The project I was working on was at a critical pre launch stage, and it needed all hands on board. But now I feel like I need to take some time to crunch the numbers and breath. So I may ask my boss for some time off in the next months after Fashion Week. That being said I am not naive that a holiday will wipe the slate clean but I think it will help. But I am assured the effects of the past few weeks will show themselves for a long time to come and has, maybe in a small way, changed me forever.

When Brains Attack!

As i have alluded to I had a major health scare about three weeks ago, I was admitted to hospital just before and again during Easter. I was training and had just started it, when I got what was the worse headache I have ever had in the front of my head. It was like an explosion. Suffice to say I could not stand and my balance was all screwed up. So I went off to hospital and was admitted for CT scans and a lumbar puncture (which was horrible, where they put a huge needle in your spine). The doctors thought I may have had a brain aneurysm and needed to test me for all and sundry to make sure was not going to drop dead.

I was let out of hospital the next day but went straight back in two days later as one in 100 people have adverse reactions to the lumbar puncture. Including inability to stand, ultra sensitivity to light, hideous nausea and the most horrible headaches ever. So I was admitted to the Neurology ward for three days. They had to do an small procedure (with another huge needle) on my back to fix the problem but then I had to do heaps of other tests including one with radioactive iodine which felt like I had pissed myself.

It was so scary but I did not realise how much until I got out and just was devastated due to the stress and worry. It was not pretty.
The neurology ward was just horrific, I was directly opposite a guy who was a vegetable and had half his skull missing. He use to wail and moan like some animal into the middle of the night. At that point they did not know what was wrong with me so I was terrified I would end up like him.
They finally figured out it was some type of reaction to stress and over exercise, causing all the blood to rush to my head and cause what my neurologist called a “thunderclap” headache and the reason I had been turned into a human pin cushion is that the symptoms I had matched a sub orbital aneurysm (AKA possible killer bleed).

So after all that scariness it was a rather simple explanation, but it has taken me ages to recover. I lost about 6-8 kgs, had panda eyes and was quite shell shocked and emotional for a while. Its only now I can exercise again and am feeling better. I went back to work too early as i had these events to finish, but i was very slow and unable to respond very fast to people and questions. It was weird, like I was wrapped in cotton wool.

So it was a really traumatising time, very lonely as well, but feel interestingly Zen afterwards now. On the bright side i was overwhelmed by the support I got from co workers and friends alike. So that is really it for me, I am just glad to be ok.