Party Party Party

Hey, just had the most mental night at the SunStudios "Uniform" Party. As you can see i went as a Wallaby, which is prob not great because of my Kiwi heritage. But it was either this or a superhero costume as The Flash, but it went right up my butt and showed the family jewels far too much. Flash indeed! Great night, lost my ball, mouth guard and my mind.

Mancrush: Update

Last we heard on this subject I had bashed my head into a steel pole whilst trying to charm the pants off a trainer from the gym. Impressive, but not overly surprising that I managed to injure myself whilst trying to be Mr. Saucy Pants, I was surprised I was able to carry on a normal conversation as I bled from my head. Anyway, due to a friend wanting to leave I was unable to complete the transaction of numbers or even suss out if he was interested.
Having resigned myself to fate, I returned to the gym the next week and as I was working out I came eye to eye with trainer who gave me a quick wave and a wink. Oook, guess he is interested then. Since then I have intercepted more than a few lingering looks, smiles, waves and one rather confusing shoulder rub as we talked about him locking himself out of his house.

Argh! I don't know what to do now, I want to ask him out for a beer but its hard when he is working with clients. I can see myself asking him out as he stretches a clients achilles tendon, him saying no, embarrassing me not only in front of him as well in front of some poor stranger who did not want to be part of this and just want to lose the love handles. At that point I would then go and strangle myself with a skipping rope.
Maybe I am being a bit over dramatic now, but you see the concern. I guess I have to just bite the bullet. Admittedly I am having quite some fun with this anyway. Wish me luck

The Root Of All Evil

Dentists are not my friend, in the past 18 months I have had more latex fingers in my mouth than I would like to remember. I am still rather shocked by the decline of my teeth, I was one of those kids who were told by dentists "How great your teeth are!" The only issue was trying not to smile when I was lying that I had cleaned my teeth that morning, whilst hiding the lollipop in my small fist. My dental health first started to wobble like a baby tooth when my wisdom teeth tore into existence. This oral uprising instilled a general mouth wide revolution, many of the rebels have been since placated or silenced (removed), but I am still one extraction away from orthodontic peace.

I have not had this much trouble since a certain drunken night in Grammercy Park New York in late December 2000, where I attended a swish party and in good form promptly drank from the punch bowl with cupped hands. 5 hours and 3 liters of booze later, I stumbled onto the roof slurring to my companion I wanted to see the Twin Towers (sigh) in the brooding blizzard. I remember seeing the steel grey bases disappearing into the low grey cloud, like the huge static legs of a monstrous robot. I then plunged head first into a block of ice and concrete. Bashing out my front tooth. It took four months of painful root canal, castings, and color matching before I had ole chomper back in beer bottle opening form. Suffice to say NYE 2001 was not the party I had imagined, sitting on the floor in a Greenwich apartment, watching the ball drop, trying to eat a donut without teasing out the blistering agony of an exposed nerve.

Today I experienced my latest tooth rescue mission, I was rather shocked when the dentist asked the assistant to find a smaller needle as she hated large needles. To the dentists "frustration" there was only the super large needle, she again sighed as she came at me with a needle that looked like its was rather used to euthanize horses. SHE hates big needles!?

Lady, I am the one you are sticking it into!

Anyway after a hour, 7 types of whining drills, vacuum cleaner and a hair drier in my mouth later, I was out and paying for the privilege. Wondering when it will be all over and hoping I would be able to drink liquid again without drooling it down my shirt.

Vietnam

Here are two pics I took while on holiday in Vietnam last October. It is a Hotei or Budai, the obese Laughing Buddha, usually seen in China. The long earlobes denote superb perception. I love these pictures they make me feel relaxed.

J

$$$

Oooh I juts got a pay rise! Its the biggest single jump I salary rates I have ever had. Yay bring on the gold covered bathmat. Not, I am way to middle class for such garish things. Also I am not that mint, yet! I think I have worked really hard for this, not just in this job but in my last job which was the worst career experiences I have had.

I am going to pay off the credit card now and relax more. I always get my tits in a tangle over money. So now I can release the reins a bit, not to much though my inner control freak will not go away that fast!

What I Am Reading..

This is the book I am reading, it is awesome. The "God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins . Its so well written, I have just started so let you know more soon. I got a really odd look from the girl at the check out when I bought it. I felt like telling her its not a book how to sell children over the Internet. When did it become fashionable to not have your own ideas and become a robot? Makes me even more dedicated to reading it.

Mancrush

Funny thing happened last night. There has been this trainer i have had a big man crush on for months at the gym. Over the weeks of he has started smiling at me, and me smiling back, then falling of the treadmill or doing something totally stupid and un sexy.
Anyhoo was at a pub last night and me and my mates went outside on the balcony, and low and behold trainer man was there. So i steadied my hyperventilating and acted so cool, talking about Bosina or APEC, whatever, whilst sneaking looks over his way. Then he came up and started talking to me! I was a jibbering wreak. It could only go one of two ways, good or bad. I am not really sure how i did, as when i was talking to him i finished my beer and turned to put it down and smashed my head into the metal frame of the door. I saw stars!! So i had to turn back to the conversation holding my head and acting so cool whilst surreptitiously wiping away the blood gushing from my head. It took about 10mins of this panto until my mate came back and i dashed to the loo for some first aid and a slap. I dont think he noticed as he came and talked to me again. Or maybe he has a thing for people who injury themselves and really inopportune times. No numbers exchanged but contact has been made and i know his name (sigh). Next step serious pash-a-thon.
PS: i got ID'ed twice last night, i had to show my drivers license to prove i was 30 not 18 !!!! Thank you SK-II

Avril is, like, a douche bag

Happy to be a loser in Avril's book. Check out this trip to ego town.

Good day!

Heyoop, phew wow.
What a bonkers day. A client of mine (Canterbury clothing) launched a new product today and I managed to get them a full page in the Daily Telegraph on the new sports gear. Take a looky on the left. This piece kicked off a day of coverage, it syndicated nationally in the papers, was picked up on radio nationally, was on Morning TV and is about to be on Ten news tonight and TV One and TV3 in NZ!
That's the thing with publicity you can plug away and one day all it takes is a single well timed piece and your off!
I am feeling pretty chuffed (hopefully the client is too) but I totally realize this is all luck of timing.
In between the crazy, I have been reading Madonna's own blog, its quite funny. I am not sure its her, but I think so. The entry about how she makes her daughter's mates entire families sign confidentially agreements before her friends can sleep over - is amazing! But necessary I guess when people may look through the toilet cabinet for something to sell to the DailyMirror. http://madonnasthoughts.blogspot.com/
Better fly, gym calls.
x

All created equal..but not (Postscript)

Amazing, take a look at this http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6969703.stm This makes me sick.

Waiting to Inhale

Hey ya,
I have to go and have tests today and next week for possible adult asthma brought on by a rather icky bronchial infection back in June. I have not had asthma since i was 13. But now have been a bit gaspy for some weeks, and after the medication did little to help, I have now been lined up for some tests.
Glad it is Asthma rather than something else, but still a bit annoying.
Surprisingly enough, all the exercise has made the shortness of breath better. But its still not feeling 100%.
I will let you know how things go.
Jx

All greated equal but..not

I am a bit taken a back by this article on News.com.au here(http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,22292944-421,00.html) in Australia. Under pressure to make a choice on drawing legislation to give gay and lesbians the same intrinsic rights as their heterosexual countrymen, John Howard now has the final choice. I am surely not the first person to not hold their breath over this. Howard a self proclaimed christian would rather met with mysterious Australian Sects (which are under investigation for huge cash support to the last Howard election effort see here:http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,22287068-5001028,00.html ) over making this important decision on the rights of large section of the population.

I can't believe this is such a "hard" decision, surely its a no brainer to be qualified as "normal" by the greater population. I am personally over having other people decide if I am good enough to be considered worthy of full rights. Admittedly gay men are their own worst enemies sometimes when it comes to fighting stereotypes, but this is no concern to the country. Drug addicts and wife beaters have more rights in regards to family and marriage, than people that happen to be gay. Bigots seem to start their reasoning for resistance with "Some of my best friends are gay but..", this to me makes no sense. If you truly cared for these people you would want them to be happy, fall in love, marry, be able to buy property together and have full government supported benefits as a functional and worthy members of society. Would you truly deny your "good friend" these basic human wants and needs? How would you feel if your rights were taken from you because society deemed your sexual orientation "immoral"? Not too hard to imagine is it..

Masking bigotry in a middle ground glittery wrapping paper is still bigotry. How short peoples memories are, I feel history will judge our generation harshly for the delay and debate over the unalienable rights of people who happen to find solice and love in the same sex.
If you simply google "civil rights of the 1960s" you will see an eerie similarity. How we laugh when we read/hear the racist excuses that were given to not give black people equal rights in the US.
Australia is no better, only giving Aborigines (Australia's 50,000 year old sentient settlers) Australian citizen status in the 60's and this still had to go to a referendum before the landslide victory.

How is this different from the excuses given now. I am sick of the prejudice and stereotyping, sick of chorus lines of "Will somebody think of the children!" and the bollocks that reforms will "blow the budget" from the right wingers.

Stop mucking about, its time to move our society higher and forward, not to be stuck in the bog of indecision, hate and obfuscated bigotry.

Just for fun..

My friend Melissa sent me a link to this site where you can upload your pic and then change your nationality, make yourself a baby and then turn yourself into an painting style. Even an APE! Kinda disturbing but fun all the same. If you wanna try go to

http://morph.cs.st-andrews.ac.uk/

Have fun, here are mine.

Creepy monkey pic!

x

Holiday, Celebrate!

Hey, hope your week is going well. I just booked a cheap ass flight home to New Zealand for a month over Xmas and NYE08. I am very happy with myself, so much so I was giggling all the way home on the train yesterday out of excitement. Not really. But I am flying out the 15th Dec Until Mid Jan. I am thinking if a trip to the South Island as well, hire a car, drive about, swim in some alpine lakes. As it gets quite hot in the South Island in summer. Microclimates and blah blah. Can't wait, sonny Jim needs a holiday.
Write soon
J

Mouldy and oldy

I was at dinner last night and we started to talking with two of my good friend about their impending 30th's. To which a younger friend commented "Oh you two don't look 30, you both look so young" She then turned to my friends boyfriend (who is 36) and started saying waxing about how good he looked. Then the conversation ended. Umm ok.... Not that I wanted to be told I looked young, but the fact I was not told this, resonated loudly like a fart in a church. I then pre-occupied myself during this pregnant pause with a fresh Vietnamese yellow curry splatter on my Rock&Republic's. I felt like the only fatty at a fashion show.

I don't mean to 'rant' but I have never considered 30 old, even when I was 20. I always thought 30 was the age you should have your shit together by, but never has being over the hill. I have had to hold myself back from slapping 25 year olds whining they are "old now", even when I was younger than them.

Age is so subjective, I don't want to sound all afternoon TV but if you are going to "think" your old, then you will become this. I am 30 I am not 18 so I would be quite shocked if I still looked that way. I feel I look pretty good, but I have focused on eating better, drinking less and exercising way more.

I guess all this prattle is also due to people placing unrealistic timelines on their lives. If you sat down at 13, in your Colour Me Badd Pj's and worked out on the back of your math book that by 30 you will have the partner, the baby, hover-dog and Hollywood home. Then, sure, you will have a bit of panic when you approach that age and you have none of those goals.

I never thought at 30 I would still be single, but I have to remember that I have done alot of things I wanted and never expect to do. I have travelled extensively and will do more, I have carved out a great career for myself through hard work and focusing on my goals. I have partied hard as well as having my heart broken more than a few times. But that is what makes you who you are. I never want to get to the end of my life and say "I wish I had done that"

Age to me is something you should have pride in, not have to excuse. I am not going to stop being me, now, in ten years or in 30. Hover-dog or no hover-dog.

Hex On The Ex

Hey oop, I am a bit hung over and just about to make the crawl to find fried food. I went a bit overboard last night as an ex randomly contacted me last night. Its funny how you think you are past things and then all these emotions come flooding back. Mine were mostly anger and bitterness, which i quickly dashed with a trip to a friends place and a litre of wine. I just felt a bit let down that i got sucked back into all that crap via one MSN message. Anyway feeling better now and have enabled a block on my MSN so no more unexpected messages from the grave. Unless its someone really interesting like Princess Di or Maude Flanders.
Have a good weekend.
Jim

Chicken Shit

I have been asked alot lately why I am not "getting out there", dating wise. I am not really sure how to answer this, cause to be honest...I do not know why.
I was sitting about last night thinking I have let that part of my life pass me by for about a year. Simply put, I don't have the emotional energy or confidence for it. Its hard to admit that you have had your fingers burnt, so its even tougher to realise you have to let your singed digits heal and put on your party pants, cause you not going to meet someone hanging around the refrigerator on a Friday night.

Sigh, that is SOOO much more easily said than done. I have had an internal crisis about the meat market ever since I hit the the demographic of 30 - 39 this year. It has been tough rectifying that I need to try and get out again, with the fact I am so put off by the hysteria and overall shallowness of the gay scene.
I am not ashamed of admitting I am looking for something more meaningful than dirty sheets and a quick awkward coffee next morning. I resent being made to feel that way when faced with gob smacking bed hopping, as with my last BF, who was honestly surprised that I wanted to end our relationship when he told me he wanted to "know" other people while "knowing" me at the same time.

That hurt alot, still does as it came hard on the heals of a previous bad breakup. Though I can now see the events that have made me the reticent and rather unsure person I am now. I don't want to be like this and am trying to inch out there. But I don't see that I should be out whoring it up just cause I can, and that to me is the great contradiction of Gay life. Men sleep about because they can, not because they think whether they should, but because of the "Caligula-esque" temptation of seeing if someone better comes along. I dont want another guy who is looking over my shoudler while talking to me, to see may be walking in the door. The condratiction is blinding when many of my plutonic gay friends seem slightly sad and rather haunted by this mirror ball gilded cage they are locked into or are confronted with.
Men will be men, and gay men can access sex without strings. Which I am sure straight men would be doing if no-strings sex was easy for woman. But I can't afford to ruin myself being a town bike, and as I found out recently with an HIV scare, the risks are to high to your health if you are not careful.
So does that explain my hang ups, probably not, as we all need to push ourselves out there after we get banged about a bit. But what to do when the flesh is willing but the heart is chicken shit.

Bit tired today, just have no energy, sucks. I have been taking these Iron tablets that make my pee fluro yellow and i swear i can see my bladder glowing though my stomach when i turn off the lights. I went and asked for some at the chemist and the lady looked at me oddly for a moment then said "oh we don't get many men asking for those." I had to think for a second "hang on i did just say Iron tablets and not super maxi tampons in one of those cute little purse packs please."
Was she on crack or do men never think to go to the chemist if they need a bit of a boost. Maybe both i think. I dunno, i don't think this is a "I am a gay man i want to be healthy and see my abs thing" either. Maybe there is a middle ground where we can prance and skip with ribbons and fluffy white cats and all be in agreement. I think it might be called Sweden.
I need to lay down. more tomorrow.

Mondays Suck

I am sure I am not alone here is saying Mondays suck the proverbial big one.
I was a skippy chicken this morning, full of promise and caffeine. Now I feel like I have had my head was grabbed by the Grumpy Monster and wiped in an unflushed toilet.

I am so sure the Monday derives from the Latin word for "Day of dripping excrement". Oh those Classical Latin peeps had a way with words. They could say "I have just boiled ye mother in yonder vat of peasant renderings and hath chopped up ye siblings for garnish", and you would still drop your toga and ask for a Roman spanking. That explains how Plato got laid, as I hear he was a right minger, worthy of being locked up in the neighbouring arena for lion bait. But he spoke the Latin word well so many a person (I hear of the male kind) danced around his libations.
I have decided that on Mondays I will do fun things after work, like Yoga or chasing neo-conservatives with the gay karma sutra. That makes the imminent return of Monday the next week not so bitter, that and being run over by a bus.
PS: If i do in fact get run over by a bus, you have my permission to send this entry to one of those "Spooky Coincidences" websites, for people to "ooh" over and then run limbs flailing to the bedroom.
Jx

Blogs Away

Hey well this would be no surprise i guess, I have now become a blogger or blogee. It is getting on late Sunday night and i really should be having a shower and figuring out what side of the bed i am sleeping on.
But i am hammering away at the keyboard trying to put something on my blog before i am deemed boring by Blogger.com and banished to the moon or its cyber equivalent.
Suffice to say i am happy you are interested enough to read this..or this....or that whole last sentence about nothing but rest assured i shall write something that has some meaning and will literally change your life and all those who meet you, yes i am full of shit.
Anyhoo i will need to go now, but just a few things i like:
I like surf beachs, white chocolate, Chilli paste, clean towels, laughing, talking to myself in the bathroom, travel, eating very unhealthy things, falling for the wrong person, exercising like a lunatic, reading junk science books, my friends and writing
I will be updating this regularly, but dont expect a teenage girl like diary. I dont say dreamy and I dont meet many quarterbacks called Billy.
Chat soon and have a good night
James x